What Are Common Signs of Emotional Neglect in Adults?

Chronic emotional neglect in childhood can have lasting effects into adulthood. However, healing is possible.

Childhood emotional neglect is a form of childhood trauma that can have lasting effects. Whereas physical neglect is the failure to provide basic necessities, emotional neglect involves withholding love, emotional support, or affection or otherwise not meeting someone’s emotional needs. 

Emotional neglect during childhood is not always a form of childhood emotional abuse since it can be unintentional, and abuse involves deliberately causing harm. Whether it is abuse or not, though, emotional neglect during childhood can still leave lasting wounds that impact people into adulthood. Read on to learn common signs of emotional neglect in adults, how emotional neglect can impact adult relationships, and how to seek appropriate mental health support.

Common signs of emotional neglect in adults

As mentioned, childhood emotional neglect often leaves a lasting impact on one’s emotional intelligence, influencing our behavior, relationships, and self-perception well into adulthood. Here are some common effects:

1. People-pleasing tendencies

Those who experienced emotional neglect as children may become caretakers or “burden holders” in their relationships, prioritizing others’ emotions and needs to feel worthy, loved, and valuable. While this can create a sense of purpose, it often leads to neglecting one’s own needs, resulting in burnout and feelings of unfulfillment.

2. Difficulty trusting others

Emotional neglect can make it hard to trust people, leading to emotional walls as a form of self-protection. This may manifest as avoiding relationships entirely or ending them prematurely at the first sign of conflict.

Opening up and being vulnerable can feel unsafe, making meaningful connections challenging. Some may isolate themselves socially or self-sabotage relationships to avoid feelings of rejection or abandonment. Even in close relationships, difficulty expressing emotions can strain connections.

3. Low self-esteem

Chronic emotional neglect often damages self-worth. Adults may disregard their emotions, let others take advantage of them, or struggle with self-compassion and self-love. The lack of validation in childhood can lead to internalized beliefs that their feelings are unimportant or unwelcome.

4. Unhealthy coping mechanisms

In adulthood, some may develop maladaptive coping strategies to manage unresolved feelings. This could include people-pleasing, becoming codependent in unhealthy relationships, or engaging in risky behaviors. Others may turn to substances like drugs or alcohol or develop addictions to food, shopping, or excessive screen time to numb emotional pain.

5. Challenges with emotions

Adults who experience emotional neglect may avoid emotions altogether, struggling to identify or process feelings. A sense of emotional numbness often develops as a protective mechanism. This can make it hard to ask for what they need in relationships, leading them to leave situations rather than risk rejection.

Examples of childhood emotional neglect

Raising children is complex and challenging, and it’s natural for parents or caregivers to make mistakes along the way. Also, emotional neglect can be difficult to recognize because it often stems from what a family member fails to do rather than their actions. However, even unintentional emotional neglect goes beyond occasional missteps and can leave lasting effects that follow us into adulthood when it is chronic. Below are some common examples of what childhood emotional neglect may look like: 

• Punishment for expressing negative emotions like feeling sadness, anger, or frustration (e.g., being told to “go to your room” or to “stop crying”)
• Lack of shared joy when a child expresses positive emotions like feeling happiness or excitement often met with dismissive or negative responses that diminish the moment
• Invalidation of feelings or experiences, with phrases like “You’re too sensitive,” “Don’t act like a baby,” or “Stop worrying about it”
• Dismissal or ignoring of emotions because the parent is preoccupied with their own needs, struggles, or other situations
• Withholding affection or failing to provide emotional comfort, even when it is explicitly needed or requested
• Failure to intervene or offer support when the child is experiencing emotional distress or crisis
• Ignoring difficult emotions, such as grief after losing a pet or embarrassment after being bullied, often because the parent struggles to process or acknowledge these feelings themselves

How emotional neglect creates trauma

As discussed, childhood maltreatment can contribute to unresolved emotional struggles later in life. Even a single instance of emotional neglect can have a significant impact, but a chronic pattern over time can lead to profound trauma.

The U.S. Department of Health & Human Services classifies ongoing emotional neglect as a form of child abuse with long-term consequences for a child’s development. Severe neglect can cause changes in the brain and nervous system, leading to difficulty expressing emotions, shame, and low self-esteem.

How to heal from childhood emotional neglect

Children who experience trauma from neglect may struggle with behavioral issues, difficulty forming relationships, and mental health challenges like depression, anxiety, or post-traumatic stress disorder. In extreme cases, emotional neglect can lead to risky behaviors or substance abuse in adulthood. However, healing is possible. Here are some tips about how to heal from childhood emotional neglect. 

1. Therapy and professional support

Therapy can be a powerful tool for addressing the effects of emotional neglect. Working with a mental health professional provides a safe space to explore past experiences, process unresolved feelings, create emotional intimacy, and learn healthier coping strategies. Therapists can help individuals accurately identify emotions, develop self-compassion, and set boundaries in relationships. Group therapy can be especially helpful for people who are healing from interpersonal issues.

2. Self-care practices

Outside of therapy, prioritizing emotional well-being is key. Self-care activities like mindfulness, meditation, journaling, or engaging in hobbies can help individuals reconnect with their emotions and cultivate self-awareness.

3. Self-compassion and validation

It’s essential to recognize that there is nothing wrong with you or your emotions. Childhood neglect simply means you didn’t have someone provide emotional validation or teach you how to regulate them. Healing is an act of courage and can begin at any time.

How Charlie Health can help

If you or a loved one are an adult struggling with signs of emotional neglect, Charlie Health is here to help. Charlie Health’s virtual Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) provides more than once-weekly mental health treatment for dealing with serious mental health conditions, including trauma and signs of emotional neglect. Our expert clinicians incorporate evidence-based therapies into individual counseling, family therapy, and group sessions. With treatment, healing your mental health is possible. Fill out the form below or give us a call to start healing today.