How Can You Help a Child With Separation Anxiety?

Does your child experience separation anxiety? Learn strategies for how to help them — and signs you should seek professional help.

Separation anxiety is a natural part of early childhood development, especially between the ages of 8 months and 3 years. However, for some young children, this anxiety can persist or become more intense, impacting their mental health and daily routines. 

Whether your child is just starting daycare, heading to school, or experiencing distress during short or long separations, it’s important to understand how to help them cope with separation anxiety. Here is a breakdown of what separation anxiety is, the signs and symptoms to look for, and how to support a child’s mental health.

What is separation anxiety?

Separation anxiety is the emotional distress that occurs when a child is away from a parent or primary caregiver. While normal separation anxiety is expected in younger children, some kids experience a more intense, prolonged reaction. In more severe cases, this may indicate separation anxiety disorder, a diagnosable anxiety disorder recognized by mental health professionals.

What are the signs of separation anxiety disorder?

While separation anxiety can cause children to react in different ways, some having a more emotional reaction while others act out behaviorally, there are common symptoms among them all. Here are some of the main ones.

1. Crying, tantrums, or clinginess during goodbyes

2. Refusal to go to school or daycare

3. Complaints of physical issues like headaches or stomachaches

4. Excessive worry about harm befalling a parent or family member

5. Difficulty sleeping alone

6. Panic attacks in extreme cases

When these separation anxiety symptoms interfere with daily life or last beyond what’s typical for the child’s age, it may be time to consider professional help.

What are the risk factors of separation anxiety disorder?

Separation anxiety disorder goes beyond temporary worry. It’s a behavioral health condition that can begin as early as preschool, but it also affects older children and even adolescents. It involves intense separation anxiety and persistent feelings of fear that exceed developmental norms. Here are some risk factors of separation anxiety disorder to look out for in children: 

• Family history of anxiety disorders 
• Major life changes, such as moving, a family divorce, the birth of a sibling, or more
• Overprotective parenting 
• Past traumatic experiences

How to help a child with separation anxiety

Helping a child navigate separation requires a combination of patience, preparation, and proven strategies. Here are five practical steps to help a child learn that nothing bad will happen if they go to school or are away from their parents for a few hours. 

1. Start with short separations

Gradually exposing a child to short separations helps them build confidence and independence. Start with brief periods away (e.g., 10–15 minutes) and slowly extend the duration as the child’s ability to cope improves.

2. Develop a consistent goodbye routine

Comforting and predictable routines help children feel secure. Creating a simple goodbye ritual, like a special hug or phrase, that parents use each time they leave, can have a massive impact on how the child perceives separation. This consistency provides comfort and makes parting less stressful.

3. Avoid sneaking away

As tempting as it might be to slip out unnoticed, sneaking away can actually increase a child’s fear and distrust. Always say goodbye, even if it triggers tears. Over time, this builds trust that their parents will return.

4. Use positive reinforcement

Celebrate milestones, no matter how small. If a young child manages to stay at daycare without crying, offer praise or a small reward. This encourages resilience and reinforces positive behavior.

5. Encourage independence through play

Play therapy and imaginative activities help young kids process their feelings and develop coping mechanisms. Role-playing games involving separation scenarios can help a child feel more in control and less worried about being away from their parents.

How to help an older child with separation anxiety

While most common in young children, separation anxiety isn’t exclusive to them. An older child may also show reluctance to go to school, sleepovers, or overnight camps. Here are some tips to help an older child with social anxiety. 

1. Talk openly about their feelings

Talking openly about their feelings helps older children with separation anxiety feel understood and supported. It encourages them to express their fears instead of hiding them, which builds trust and makes it easier to develop effective coping skills together.

2. Validate their experiences without judgment

Validating an older child’s experiences lets them know their feelings are real and acceptable. When children feel heard and accepted, they’re less likely to feel ashamed or embarrassed, which helps reduce their separation anxiety and builds confidence to manage their fears more effectively.

3. Collaborate on strategies 

Collaborating with an older child on strategies to manage separation anxiety helps them feel empowered and involved. For example, staying connected through texts or calls during the day can provide reassurance and ease distress. Working together to create a plan builds a child’s confidence and makes separations feel more manageable.

4. Involve them in problem-solving and planning

Involving a child in problem-solving and planning gives them a sense of control over their separation anxiety. When kids help create solutions, they feel more confident and capable of handling difficult situations. Additionally, this active participation teaches valuable skills that can reduce fear and build resilience over time.

What is the right type of professional help for a child with separation anxiety?

Sometimes, even with consistent effort, a child’s separation anxiety can escalate. If symptoms persist beyond 4 weeks or interfere with school, friendships, or family life, consider consulting a mental health professional. There are various therapeutic approaches taken to help manage social anxiety in children. Here are some of the most common ones. 

1. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)

CBT is a well-researched, effective treatment for anxiety disorders, including separation anxiety disorder. This approach helps children recognize anxious thoughts and replace them with healthy ones.

2. Family therapy

Family therapy involves the entire household and helps address any family dynamics that may be contributing to a child’s anxiety. By working together, families can improve communication, support each other better, and create a more secure environment that promotes the child’s emotional well-being.

3. Play therapy

Play therapy is especially effective for younger children, providing a safe and creative environment where they can express their emotions and work through separation anxiety. Through play, children communicate feelings they might not be able to put into words, helping them process anxiety and build coping skills.

How Charlie Health can help

If a child in your life is struggling with separation anxiety, Charlie Health is here to help. Charlie Health’s virtual Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) provides more than once-weekly mental health treatment for dealing with serious mental health conditions, including anxiety disorders. Our expert clinicians incorporate evidence-based therapies into individual counseling, family therapy, and group sessions. With treatment, managing your child’s mental health is possible. Fill out the form below or give us a call to start healing today.