Young girl feeling overwhelmed by her feelings of anger in processing the loss of her mother

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What’s the Link Between Grief and Anger?

7 min.

Are you feeling angry after a loss? You’re not alone. Read on to learn why grief can cause anger, plus effective coping strategies to manage your anger throughout the grieving process.

Most people throughout their lives will experience emotional, psychological, or physical responses to loss, collectively known as grief. Grief is a deeply personal and natural response, recognized mostly as sadness, guilt, or confusion—but anger frequently comes with it as well. Grief and anger can be linked in powerful ways, often leaving those who are grieving feeling overwhelmed and unsure of how to navigate their emotions. Here is an explanation of the connection between grief and anger, how they manifest during the grieving process, and healthy coping strategies to help manage these complex emotions.

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Why does grief trigger anger? 

Alongside intense sadness, anger is one of the most common and often misunderstood emotions people experience after a significant loss. Here are some common triggers for angry feelings seen in grief.

  • A sense of unfairness, especially when the loss feels sudden or unjust
  • Unresolved guilt or regret about missed opportunities or decisions 
  • Powerlessness and helplessness to change or prevent the loss 
  • A mask for pain to avoid facing more vulnerable emotions like sadness and fear

While anger can provide temporary relief from grief, it often prevents deeper healing if it isn’t addressed.

The “anger stage” of grief

The Kübler-Ross model of grief is one of the most well-known frameworks for understanding the emotional stages of loss. According to this model, anger is one of the stages that people experience when they are grieving. Here is what the “anger stage” looks like. 

1. Anger at the person who passed

The first part of the anger stage can be one of the most challenging emotions to face. Grieving people may find themselves asking, “Why did they leave me? Why didn’t they fight harder to stay?” which is often tied to feelings of abandonment, especially if the loss was sudden or preventable. A person may struggle with the idea that their loved one could have done more, leading to frustration and resentment, even though these feelings may stem from a deep desire for the person to still be present in their life. 

Furthermore, this anger can be accompanied by guilt, as a person may feel torn between their love for the person lost and the natural human response to want to blame someone or something for the pain they’re experiencing. 

2. Anger at oneself 

Anger at oneself often arises when feelings of self-blame take hold, consumed by thoughts like, “I should have done more. I could have said something differently. If only I had been there more.” This leads to intense frustration and anger directed inward as a person focuses on perceived mistakes or missed opportunities. Even though these feelings of guilt and regret may not be rational, they can feel overwhelming, causing a person to harshly criticize themself for not having done enough to prevent the loss. 

This internal anger can make the grieving process even more painful as a person struggles to find peace with what has happened. 

3. Anger at others

This is another common form of anger during grief, where grieving people may direct their anger at family members, friends, or even medical professionals, especially if they feel these people contributed to the loss. For example, they may feel resentment toward a family member for not taking certain actions or blame healthcare providers if they believe mistakes were made. This anger can also be aimed at others who seem to be coping better or moving on more quickly, intensifying feelings of isolation and frustration. 

4. Anger at life itself

Anger at life, in general, can arise when a person feels their loss is a result of life’s inherent unfairness, causing them to question why bad things happen to good people and feel intense rage at the world for being cruel and unjust. This anger often stems from a deep sense of helplessness, as a person struggles to make sense of the loss and feels powerless to change the harsh realities of life. It’s the frustration of feeling at the mercy of forces beyond control, leading to bitterness and resentment toward the very nature of existence. 

Unresolved grief and chronic anger

When grief remains unresolved, it can become chronic, causing a person to get stuck in their anger and unable to move forward or begin healing. Unresolved grief is often associated with prolonged grief disorder, a condition where a grieving person struggles with overwhelming sadness, anger, and emotional pain that doesn’t subside over time.

Additionally, in unresolved grief, anger can take on a life of its own. Chronic anger can manifest as chronic irritation, resentment, or frustration that lasts months or even years after the loss. This can prevent a grieving person from finding peace or closure, making it harder to rebuild their life after the loss.

What is anticipatory grief?

Anticipatory grief occurs when someone starts the grieving process before the actual loss, typically happening when a loved one is diagnosed with a terminal illness or when a loss feels imminent, such as in the case of a progressive disease or advanced age. In these situations, people may begin experiencing emotions like sadness, fear, anxiety, and anger long before the eventual loss occurs. This type of grief can be complicated, as it involves mourning a future loss while still facing the present challenges of caring for or being with the person who is dying. 

How anticipatory grief fuels anger

Anger can be a prominent emotion in anticipatory grief, often stemming from a sense of powerlessness and the unfairness of the situation. People may feel anger not just toward the impending death but also toward the disease or condition that caused it. They may even feel anger toward their loved one for being in that condition or for “leaving them” too soon.

Moreover, anticipatory also affects grieving children, who may struggle to understand or accept the impending loss of a parent or loved one, leading to explosive emotions or anger.

How to manage grief and anger

Though anger is a natural part of the grieving process, it’s essential to find healthy ways to express and manage these intense emotions. Ignoring or bottling up anger can hinder healing, but addressing it constructively can lead to emotional release and growth. Here are four healthy coping strategies for dealing with anger in grief. 

1. Talk about feelings

One of the most effective ways to manage anger during grief is to express it in a healthy, constructive way. Speaking with a grief counselor or joining a grief support group offers a safe and supportive environment where people can openly discuss their emotions. This space allows them to explore difficult feelings like anger without fear of judgment or misunderstanding. Sharing experiences with others who are going through similar pain can provide comfort, as it helps grieving people feel less isolated and more understood. 

Both grief counseling and support groups also offer valuable guidance for processing complex emotions, providing tools to work through anger while moving forward in the healing journey. 

2. Engage in mindfulness activities

Mindfulness activities such as meditation or deep breathing can help calm the mind and create emotional balance during grief. These practices encourage people to observe their emotions without judgment, allowing them to manage overwhelming feelings like anger. Physical activity, like walking, running, or yoga, is also an excellent way to release pent-up frustration and promote emotional clarity. Exercise helps release tension, boosts mood through endorphin release, and provides a healthy outlet for negative emotions. 

Additionally, journaling is a powerful tool for processing strong emotions like anger. Writing allows those grieving to express their feelings privately, gain insight, and release anger in a reflective way, offering a sense of emotional release and clarity throughout their healing journey. 

3. Practice forgiveness

Anger in grief is often linked to feelings of guilt or resentment, making it hard to move forward. Practicing forgiveness, whether toward oneself or others, is an essential step in releasing these emotions. Forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing wrongs, but it helps ease the emotional burden of anger and opens the door to healing. By letting go of resentment, people can free themselves from the weight of these feelings and create space for peace, allowing them to move through grief with greater compassion and emotional clarity.

4. Seek professional help

If anger becomes overwhelming or persistent, seeking more support from grief therapy can be incredibly beneficial. A therapist can guide someone through processing anger healthily, offering techniques to cope with intense emotions. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), for example, is often used to help people identify and challenge negative thought patterns that fuel anger. It teaches practical anger management strategies, like reframing thoughts, relaxation exercises, and healthier ways to respond to emotional triggers. 

With professional help, grieving people can gain essential tools to manage and maintain their anger, moving forward in their healing journey with greater emotional balance and resilience. 

How Charlie Health can help

If you or a loved one are struggling with grief, Charlie Health is here to help. Charlie Health’s virtual Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) provides more than once-weekly mental health treatment for dealing with serious mental health conditions. Our expert clinicians incorporate evidence-based therapies into individual counseling, family therapy, and group sessions. With treatment, managing your mental health is possible. Fill out the form below or give us a call to start healing today. 

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