Dealing With Separation Anxiety? Here’s What It Is, Symptoms & How to Heal

Do you know someone who suffers from separation anxiety? There are ways to overcome it. Learn what separation anxiety is, how it presents in various ages, and how to manage it effectively.

Separation anxiety can affect people of all ages, from babies and toddlers to adults. It’s the intense distress or fear that arises when being away from a loved one, caregiver, or familiar environment. While it’s a normal part of development for young children, it can become more severe and persistent, leading to what’s known as separation anxiety disorder. Here is an explanation of what separation anxiety is, the signs and symptoms to look out for, and treatment options for all ages to manage social anxiety.

What is separation anxiety?

Separation anxiety refers to the feelings of worry, fear, and emotional distress that occur when someone is separated from a person or place to which they feel attached. For example, a family member, romantic partner, or caregiver. It’s especially common in children between 6 months and 3 years old, but adults can also experience it, often in the context of relationships or transitions. In most cases, separation anxiety is temporary and part of normal development. However, when the anxiety is extreme or interferes with daily activities, it may be classified as separation anxiety disorder.

Separation anxiety in babies

Separation anxiety in babies typically begins around 6–8 months and peaks at about 18 months. This stage coincides with major developmental changes, while babies are becoming more aware of their environment and their caregiver’s absence. Someone might notice their baby crying when they leave the room or showing distress when meeting new people. While it’s tough to see babies upset, this phase is actually a sign of healthy emotional attachment.

During this time, babies are learning to trust that their caregiver will return, which forms the foundation for emotional security later in life. As they grow, consistent routines, soothing support, and gentle reassurance help them adjust to short separations and build early confidence in new situations, helping to prevent social anxiety as they get older.

Separation anxiety in toddlers

Separation anxiety in toddlers is a normal part of early childhood development. Around ages 1–2, children begin to understand object permanence, the idea that people and things continue to exist even when out of sight. While this is a major cognitive milestone, it can also cause distress when a parent or caregiver leaves.

A toddler may cry, cling, or show behavior changes like refusing to eat or sleep alone. These reactions are normal and usually temporary. However, extreme or persistent anxiety can signal a deeper problem that may require professional support. If a toddler’s feelings of distress don’t ease over time or they show significant distress in new situations, consider discussing it with a pediatrician or child therapist.

Separation anxiety in adults

Though it’s often associated with children, separation anxiety in adults is more common than many realize. It can appear later in life after a traumatic experience, a breakup, the death of a family member, or another major life change. In adulthood, this anxiety can manifest as excessive worry about a romantic partner, child, or even pet. 

Additionally, adults may develop social anxiety due to co-existing mental health disorders, such as depression or generalized anxiety. Over time, avoidance of situations that trigger fear or separation may reinforce the cycle of anxiety, making it increasingly difficult to regain independence and emotional balance.

Separation anxiety symptoms

The symptoms of separation anxiety can vary by age but share a common theme: distress or fear about being apart from a loved one or familiar place. Separation anxiety can manifest in various ways, including emotional, physical, and behavioral symptoms. Recognizing these separation anxiety symptoms early helps with timely treatment and support.

1. Emotional signs of separation anxiety

Emotional signs of separation anxiety include an intense worry about something happening to a family member, significant distress during or before separation, such as sadness or depression, and a persistent fear of being alone or abandoned. Emotional symptoms are often the first to present themselves, so it’s important to look out for these signs in case a child needs further support.

2. Physical signs of separation anxiety

Due to their heightened emotional state, physical symptoms tend to present as well, especially in young children. Signs to be aware of include stomachaches, nausea, or dizziness when separated from a caregiver, trouble sleeping or frequent nightmares, and fatigue or loss of appetite due to the ongoing stress of the situation. 

3. Behavioral signs of separation anxiety

Behavioral symptoms are the last set to look out for. These signs include avoiding activities that involve separation, such as school, work, or social gatherings, reluctance to sleep without a parent or partner present, excessive checking-in behaviors like calling or texting, and overprotectiveness toward a family member or partner. 

If any of these persist for an extended period of time, it could indicate separation anxiety disorder as opposed to just separation anxiety, requiring further treatment.

Treatment for separation anxiety

Treatment for separation anxiety depends on the person’s age, the severity of symptoms, and any co-occurring mental health disorders. For many, a combination of therapy, emotional support, and sometimes anti-anxiety medication is most effective. Here are treatment options for separation anxiety in people of all ages. 

How to help separation anxiety in babies

1. Respond to cues quickly. When a baby cries after separation, respond calmly to show they are safe and cared for. Quick, consistent responses help babies develop trust and emotional security, which are essential for healthy attachment. Reacting calmly teaches babies that their parents or caregivers aren’t worried and that they will return.

2. Practice short separations by stepping out of sight for brief moments to build tolerance. Start by leaving the room for just a minute or two, then gradually increase the time apart as the baby becomes more comfortable. These small, predictable experiences help babies learn that even when a parent disappears, they will always come back.

3. Maintain familiar routines as predictability reduces stress and builds confidence in new situations. Consistent feeding, playtime, and bedtime routines help a baby feel secure, even when small changes occur. When a baby knows what to expect, it provides a sense of safety and comfort that eases separation-related worry.

4. Introducing caregivers slowly is important to give a baby time to adjust to a new babysitter or daycare provider. Start by letting the new caregiver spend short periods of time with the baby while they remain nearby and gradually increase the duration as the baby becomes more comfortable. This step-by-step approach helps both the baby and parents build trust and reduce fear or distress when they’re not around. Familiarizing the caregiver with a baby’s favorite activities or comfort routines can also make the transition smoother and more reassuring.

5. Use soothing words and touch, as babies can sense changes in tone and calmness, which helps regulate their feelings. Gentle rocking, soft singing, or a reassuring voice can comfort them and ease their distress during moments of separation. Physical closeness and affectionate touch signal safety, helping babies understand that they’re loved and protected.

How to help a toddler with separation anxiety

1. Prepare a child for transitions by talking about where people are going and when they’ll return. Predictability helps ease worry and gives the child a sense of control. Practicing small, predictable transitions, like leaving the room for a few minutes and then coming back, can also teach the child that separations are temporary and safe.

2. Create a goodbye ritual, such as a short hug or wave, to help the child feel secure while signaling that it’s okay for parents or caregivers to leave. Keeping goodbyes consistent builds trust and predictability, letting the child know what to expect each time. Avoid dragging out farewells, as long, emotional goodbyes can increase distress, and a calm tone to reassure that separation is normal.

3. Encourage independence by letting a child choose their clothes or lead simple activities to build confidence. Giving the child small choices helps them feel capable and in control, which reduces fear during moments of separation. Over time, these small steps strengthen their sense of security and make future transitions easier to handle.

4. Provide comfort items like a favorite toy or blanket to remind the child of a loved one’s presence. These familiar objects offer a sense of safety and stability when their parent or caregiver is not around, helping them cope with feelings of distress or worry. These simple items can go a long way by serving as emotional anchors, making the separation feel a little bit easier.

5. Praise small moments when a child handles separation well. Positive reinforcement helps build their confidence and teaches them that they can manage feelings of worry and fear. Simple praise, a high-five, or an extra bedtime story can make them feel proud of their progress, causing them to want to keep progressing.

How to treat separation anxiety in adults

1. Identify the triggers or situations that cause intense fear or worry about separation. Recognizing these triggers helps people understand the underlying thought processes and emotional needs driving their feelings. Once people are aware of what sets off their anxiety, they can begin taking small, intentional steps to manage those moments more effectively and reduce overall distress.

2. For separation anxiety in adulthood, the first-line approach is typically therapy, as a licensed therapist can provide coping tools and design a personalized treatment plan. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is particularly effective, as it focuses on reshaping irrational beliefs, teaching coping skills, and reducing avoidance behavior. It can also help people identify and challenge negative thought patterns that fuel the worry and fear they feel in situations that contribute to separation anxiety. 

3. When separation anxiety symptoms interfere with daily life, a psychiatrist may recommend anti-anxiety medication or SSRIs to help. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) are commonly used to regulate mood and ease anxiety symptoms, especially when there are co-existing mental health disorders. Medication is usually part of a broader treatment plan that includes therapy and lifestyle adjustments.

4. It is important to strengthen independence by engaging in solo activities that support self-confidence and reduce overreliance on others. Ways to do this include practicing relaxation techniques like mindfulness or breathing exercises, building a strong support system of friends, family, or community groups, and even gradually facing situations that trigger separation anxiety rather than avoiding them. 

How Charlie Health can help

If you or a loved one is struggling with a mental health disorder, Charlie Health is here to help. Charlie Health’s virtual Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) provides more than once-weekly mental health treatment for dealing with serious mental health conditions. Our expert clinicians incorporate evidence-based therapies into individual counseling, family therapy, and group sessions. With treatment, managing your mental health is possible. Fill out the form below or give us a call to start healing today.