How to Help Your Teen Living With Depression

Five actionable, therapist-approved steps you can take if your teen is experiencing depression.

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If you’ve been wondering how to help a young person in your life with depression, you’re already on the right track: considering how to offer them support. Watching your child experience poor mental health can be incredibly challenging, but there are many ways to support a teenager struggling with a depressive disorder. Below, we dig into therapist-approved tips for how to help your teen living with depression — whether you’re worried they might have depression and want to bring it up with them or if they come to you directly asking for help. 

5 tips for helping your teen living with depression

People of all ages can struggle with depression, but the therapists we spoke with noted that supporting a teenager requires balancing your desire to help with respecting their need for autonomy, which is crucial for their developmental stage. Also, all of the experts agree that the approach you take when offering support can depend on whether you notice depressive symptoms in your teenager or if they come to you asking for help. Here are four tips for how to help your teenager if you suspect they may be struggling with depression but they’re not bringing it up with you directly. 

1. Keep an eye out for symptoms

There are many different kinds of depression, each with different symptoms. By and large, though, experts say that symptoms like hopelessness, irritability, and sleep issues that persist for at least two weeks could be signs of depression. It’s possible that you’ll notice these symptoms, but it’s also important to listen if a friend or teacher of theirs raises concerns. “Identifying changes in behavior allows there to be an open dialogue about the teen’s signs and symptoms of depression,” says Charlie Health Primary Therapist and DEI Community Outreach Chair Asha Clark, LPC. 

2. Speak with them directly

“The best thing they can do is to speak directly to their teen about what you’re seeing,” says Charlie Health Senior Primary Therapist Sarah Lyter. “Your teenager is the one experiencing mental health struggles, and therefore, their perceptions, experiences, and opinions are of the utmost importance. Try not to make assumptions, to interpret behavior, and speak for your child.”

Of course, so much of this conversation — and any future ones — depends on the existing dynamic between the two of you. This may be a conversation you two have alone or with another person, like another trusted adult or a mental health professional.

3. Practice active listening 

Unless absolutely necessary — which we’ll get into later — an initial conversation about depression support is not the time for you to lay out a strict plan and decide everything for them. Instead, this is an opportunity to express changes you’ve noticed in their behavior in a kind, non-judgmental way. 

Lyter stresses the importance of coming from a place of understanding. She warns against being too reactive and solution-focused during the conversation as it might make them less likely to think of you as a safe place. “I would say the most important thing is to go to your teen and gently, supportively, and empathetically ask them about it,” says Lyter. “By demonstrating that you care and want to know what your child is experiencing, how they feel, and what they are struggling with, you are able to set the stage for circumstances in which your teen will be more likely to feel safe telling you what’s going on.” 

If your teen comes to you about depression, your initial role is also that of an active listener. Unless directly prompted otherwise, the start of this conversation is for them to do the talking and you to create a safe, non-judgmental space for them to do so. “Validate their experience and reflect back what you hear them say and ask for clarification,” says Lyter. Part of this includes expressing “praise and gratitude for their bravery in sharing their struggles with you,” she continues. “It can be incredibly scary to open up to someone about mental health struggles, so validating and praising this is going to set the tone for them to likely feel comfortable coming to you again in the future.” 

4. Give them agency and space to process

In the same vein, give your teen the space to process and consider what they need and how you can best support them, Lyter adds. This, in turn, can allow them to feel some control over the situation while still having someone to help them navigate it. Remember, they’re not just a “depressed teen” but a young adult experiencing a mental health issue. Navigating teen mental health is complicated, but no one understands it more than the person experiencing it. 

Try to maintain your teen’s agency over themselves and think of them, in part, as a young adult. “By supporting and fostering their autonomy, you’re empowering them to take action and gain control over mental health, which often leaves individuals feeling out of control of their own minds and lives,” says Lyter. “Letting them be in the driver’s seat — again, if possible and appropriate — can increase motivation and confidence in managing mental health struggles.” 

5. Offer resources

After listening and giving your teen space, your support, concern, and confidence in coping with this together can be critical. You can provide suggestions such as identifying different symptoms together and seeking professional help, antidepressant medication, or treatment programs. Maybe you have experience with depression and can provide insight into ways you’ve coped — though remember they might respond differently or have other symptoms. 

Lyter further recommends you explore family therapy, calling it “a striking indicator of success in treatment.” It can either be in person or online therapy. Regular check-ins as a family, such as sharing the highs and lows of your day or meeting up weekly can also help you support them in a beneficial but not overbearing way. 

When to get support for children experiencing depression

While the aforementioned balance of autonomy and support is important in many instances, the situation changes if your teen is experiencing severe depression or a symptom like suicidal thoughts. In this case, you might have to intervene despite their wishes or with a heavier hand than you otherwise would. Remember: If you or a loved one are experiencing suicidal thoughts or are in danger of harming yourself, this is a mental health emergency. Contact The Suicide & Crisis Lifeline 24/7 by calling or texting 988.

Lyter recommends you intervene directly if your teen is:

• Not functioning properly, such as irregular sleeping, eating, self-maintenance or attendance 
• Exhibiting compromised decision-making and judgment
• Engaging in high-risk or self-destructive behaviors
• In crisis or at risk of harm to self or others
• Unable or unmotivated to take steps independently
• Planning to attempt suicide 

A trained mental health professional can support you if your teen is experiencing any of these symptoms. They can also identify any other conditions, such as anxiety or a mood disorder. 

Don’t ignore yourself as you navigate this experience with your teen. Lyter recommends you seek support for yourself as a parent — for both your sakes. “Having a child with mental health issues is painful and difficult, and no one can pour from an empty cup,” she says. “It’s important that parents are taking care of themselves so that they can best show up for their kids. It is also incredibly valuable for parents to have safe spaces to process these experiences and difficulties, ideally with support systems and a mental health professional.” They can also help you answer how to help your teen with depression.  

How Charlie Health can help 

If your teen is struggling with depressive symptoms or a depressive disorder, Charlie Health is here to help. Charlie Health’s virtual Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) provides more than once-weekly mental health treatment for young people and families dealing with serious mental health conditions, including clinical depression. Our expert clinicians incorporate evidence-based therapies into individual counseling, family therapy, and group sessions. With this kind of holistic online therapy, managing depression is possible. Fill out the form below or give us a call to start healing today.