How to Help Someone With an Eating Disorder, According to Therapists

Are you struggling with how to help someone in your life with an eating disorder? Keep reading for expert-approved tips for supporting your loved one.

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Helping someone with an eating disorder isn’t always easy. It’s hard to know the “right” thing to say or do. You might desperately want to help your loved one, but feel nervous about saying the wrong thing or making the situation worse. Eating disorders are often incredibly isolating, and many suffer in silence from disorders like anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and more. 

But when a loved one like you shows up with compassion and understanding, it’s a powerful first step towards recovery. While there’s no one “perfect” way to help, there are various approaches that can make your support more effective and empowering. Read on to learn more about how to support someone with an eating disorder.

9 tips for how to help someone with an eating disorder

Here are nine practical tips from therapists about how to help someone with an eating disorder.

1. Educate yourself

Read up on different eating disorders so you’re aware of the signs and symptoms. However, remember that everyone’s eating disorder experience is different, but this can give you a general idea.

“Understanding what your loved one may be experiencing can help you be a better support to them and recognize patterns that are being influenced by the eating disorder,” says Tracey Stassi, MHSc, RDN, LDN, Registered Dietitian with Charlie Health. “Your role as their loved one is not to ‘fix’ the eating disorder — but to understand what they are going through and be with them every step of the way.”

The National Eating Disorders Association is a great resource for learning more about different eating disorders, including anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, binge eating disorder, and more.

2. Don’t be afraid to bring it up

It’s normal to feel nervous about broaching the topic, but avoiding it won’t help. Stassi suggests bringing it up to help them get the support they need as soon as possible, since early intervention is associated with better treatment outcomes.

“Eating disorders can be extremely isolating, and your loved one may not know how to ask for help on their own,” Stassi says. “It’s possible that they may feel a sense of relief that they have someone to confide in.” However, it’s also possible that they might meet you with defensiveness or denial, she adds, and it’s important to prepare for that possibility too.

The way you approach it is important, too. “Be vulnerable and speak from a place of love, not anger or frustration,” says Anastasia Theisen, LMFT, Senior Clinical Supervisor at Charlie Health. “Avoid engaging in language that can be perceived as blame or shame-focused.” 

Here are some tips from Stassi to follow:

• Have the conversation in private and free of distractions.
• Avoid talking right before or during a meal, since your loved one might already be struggling with intense emotions at this time.
• Be direct and use specific examples of what you’ve observed. Then, let them know why these behaviors are concerning you.
• Refrain from trying to “fix it” yourself, and rather encourage them to seek professional help ASAP.

3. Help them find professional help

It’s important to remember that you are not a mental health professional and can’t help treat an eating disorder on your own. Professional help from experts — preferably an eating disorder specialist — can help your loved one recover.

You can offer to help them:

• Research therapists who specialize in eating disorders
• Explore eating disorder-specific intensive outpatient or residential treatment programs
• Locate support groups 
• Set up consultations with therapists or programs
• Drive them to their first appointment 

Simply helping with logistics can reduce the overwhelming feeling of getting started and make treatment feel more accessible. 

4. Model calmness and emotional regulation

When someone is struggling with an eating disorder, their emotions may be dysregulated due to malnutrition, Theisen explains. 

“When others are dysregulated, we have a tendency to meet them in their dysregulation,” she says. “Instead, stay rooted and grounded, model appropriate boundaries and communication, and exercise patience and loving kindness toward this person who is clearly struggling so deeply with such an integral part of the human experience.”

Your calmness can make difficult moments feel safer for them.

5. Reflect on your own relationship with food and your body

“Identify and be conscious of your own relationship with your body and with food, and be aware of how you talk about your body, food, diets, diet culture, and others’ bodies,” Theisen says. “You may be surprised by how disordered or distorted your relationship with your body or food is.”

From here, you can demonstrate a positive relationship between food and your eating habits through modeling. “How you engage with food and talk about your body can have a big impact on your loved one’s relationship with food and their body,” Stassi says. “Refrain from making comments about anyone’s body weight or size and avoid using food labels such as ‘good’ versus ‘bad’ or ‘healthy’ versus ‘unhealthy.’”

The goal is to model a “health at every size” approach and celebrate body positivity, Theisen says. This can be very empowering for a loved one as they’re going through treatment. 

6. Do not comment on their appearance

While someone is in recovery, you might notice changes to their weight. However, you should not comment on their body and weight, even if the comments are seemingly positive, Theisen says. “Saying ‘You look healthy,’ to someone with an eating disorder can translate to them very differently from the way you meant it,” she explains.

Instead, if you want to comment on their progress, Theisen recommends focusing on:

• Their emotional experience
• Their ability to be more present 
• Their improvements in mood 

7. Be patient and go at their pace

As with healing from any mental health condition, eating disorder recovery is not linear. There are often ups and downs, setbacks and wins, so be patient and go at their pace while supporting treatment.

“Eating disorders are protective and can result in relapse. Be mindful of how you are responding to these struggles and relapses,” Theisen says. “If you don’t believe in them and their ability to recover, they will see that, and it can increase feelings of shame and self-hatred — leading to a longer or more painful and serious relapse.”

8. Encourage them to engage in “life-giving” activities

Part of supporting your loved one is helping them reconnect with the parts of their life that bring joy and meaning outside of their eating disorder.

“Those with eating disorders often have their entire days revolve around food or the absence of it. This is extremely isolating and takes up a lot of brain power,” Theisen says. In recovery, it’s important to combat this and fill up time with activities that are “life-giving” and bring them happiness.

“Volunteer with them, engage in activities that make them happy, invite them to outings that don’t revolve around food, simply be around them and be present with them,” she suggests. “They will likely appreciate it, even if they don’t verbalize that in the moment.”

9. Don’t forget to take care of yourself, too

While taking care of your loved one, don’t skimp on self-care for yourself. Stassi urges you to remember the saying, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” 

“Self-care is crucial in order to fill up your cup so that you can be the best version of yourself to care for your loved one,” she says. “Make sure your basic needs are being met, which include eating and sleeping enough. Find support for yourself through a friend, a support group, or a professional, and make time to do the things that bring you joy.”

Eating disorder treatment at Charlie Health

Charlie Health is here to help your loved one who’s struggling with an eating disorder. Our virtual Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) provides more than once-weekly mental health treatment for individuals who are dealing with serious behavioral health conditions, including eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, binge eating disorder, avoidant restrictive food intake disorder, and more. 

Treatment plans include individual therapy, group sessions, family therapy, and medication management when needed. We incorporate evidence-based eating disorder treatments into sessions so your loved one can learn effective strategies to cope and prevent relapse. Additionally, our eating disorder track includes nutrition counseling from registered dietitians.

With a compassionate treatment team and effective therapy modalities, your loved one can find relief from their eating disorder. Fill out the form below or give us a call to start today.