Here’s What to Say to Someone Who Is Suicidal

An open, clear, and empathetic conversation is critical when speaking to someone who is suicidal. Read on for therapist-approved tips on what to say to someone who is suicidal.

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Being there for one another during challenging times is one of the most critical parts of being human. But, knowing what to say to someone who is suicidal can feel daunting for fear of saying the wrong thing. Providing emotional support for a loved one as they navigate suicidal feelings is undoubtedly hard but essential in suicide prevention. With that in mind, we’ve gathered professional advice on what to say to someone who has suicidal thoughts.

What to tell someone who is suicidal

A person can experience either passive or active suicidal ideation — both of which require awareness and care. Passive suicidal ideation involves less direct thoughts about dying or planning to attempt suicide. In contrast, active suicidal ideation looks like considerable thoughts about dying and having the intent to attempt suicide. In either case, there are steps you can take to offer support. 

What to say to someone who tells you they’re suicidal

One of the best things you can do in this situation is to ask them whether they are experiencing passing thoughts or have intentions to attempt suicide. “If a person is at imminent risk, when asked, they may respond that they want to die, have a planned date, and have means, such as a gun, rope, car or medications,” says Charlie Health Clinical Supervisor Tracye Freeman Valentine, LPC-MHSP. “Both responses should be taken seriously, and asking about suicide not only decreases the sigma, but it validates a person’s feelings and increases their support in a moment of need.”

Unsure exactly how to approach this? Here are some steps that Charlie Health Clinical Supervisor Sarah Lyter, LCPC, MA, recommends steps to take if a person tells you they’re suicidal:

• First and foremost, validate them and their willingness to be open and vulnerable with you
• Try to avoid being reactive and listen with patience, calmness, and empathy
• Validate their feelings and how difficult it may be for them. 
• Offer reassurance and emotional support
• Ask questions to determine their level of risk — this depends on if thoughts are passive or active, if they have a plan, if they have intent, and if they have means
• If they are at high risk, encourage and support them in seeking immediate help
• If they are at low risk, support and encourage them to seek professional help
• Help them create a safety plan — a plan that identifies triggers, warning signs, ways to make their environment safe, coping skills, and support persons
• Continue to follow up with them

What to say if you believe someone is suicidal

Sometimes, a person won’t open up to you about their suicidal thoughts. This could be a matter of them not fully identifying it, shame, fear, concern that they’ll scare you, or a myriad of other circumstances. In this case, you might feel reticent about bringing up what you’ve observed. You might even question if you’re being dramatic or going to make them feel worse. 

For their sake, find the courage to say something. “Many people are afraid to ask if someone is suicidal and thinking about death, but this is the opposite of what is needed,” says Freeman Valentine. “Talking about suicide and acknowledging a person’s feelings increases support and decreases the likelihood of dying for that moment and possibly assist with a person aborting the process.” 

However, you must think about what exactly to say to someone you believe is suicidal. “It is imperative that you come from a place of love, support, and concern, rather than a place of judgment, fear, or reactivity,” explains Lyter. She provides a few more tips for how to best speak with someone who is suicidal:

• Make observations about what you’ve seen, such as “I hear you making jokes about dying regularly” or “I’ve noticed you’ve seemed more withdrawn”
• Ask them what’s going on and how they’re feeling
• Listen nonjudgmentally and validate their feelings and experience
• Express support and reassurance
• Inquire directly about suicide but avoid vague or leading questions such as ‘Should I be worried about you?’ or ‘You want to kill yourself, don’t you?’ 
• As if they’re thinking of killing themselves, if they have a plan, intent, or means
• Encourage them to seek professional help

Again, you should encourage this person to make a safety plan and work to secure any items that they could use to harm themselves, says Freeman Valentine. You can also help them find a mental health provider — a task they might find overwhelming.

The message is clear whether the person approaches you or you reach out to them. As Freeman Valentine puts it, “It’s important to believe what a person is saying, use empathetic listening, avoid arguing, remove lethal means, validate their feelings, and encourage them to seek the support of friends, family, and medical or mental health professionals.”

Suicide risk factors and warning signs

Recognizing the risk factors and warning signs of suicidal thoughts is crucial in providing effective support and intervention. Identifying these signs early can help you take the necessary steps to offer support and encourage professional help. According to the American Psychiatric Association (APA), risk factors of suicide include:

• Family history of suicide
• Previous suicide attempt
• Substance use
• Mood disorders, such as depression or bipolar disorder
• Access to lethal means, such as firearms or prescription medications
• Losses and other events such as financial issues, a breakup, or grief
• History of trauma or abuse
• Bullying
• Chronic physical illness, including chronic pain
• Exposure to other individuals’ suicidal behavior
• Social isolation
• Historical trauma
• Experiencing stigma around seeking help 

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, warning signs a person is suicidal can include: 

• Feelings of emptiness, hopelessness, or having no reason to live
• Sadness, anxiety, agitation, and rage
• Extreme emotional or physical pain
• Talking about wanting to die, feeling guilt and shame, or how they’re a burden to others
• Making a plan or researching ways to die
• Withdrawing from loved ones and friends, saying goodbye, giving away important items, or making a will
• Taking dangerous risks, such as driving extremely fast
• Displaying extreme mood swings
• Eating or sleeping more or less
• Using drugs or alcohol more often

When to seek support for someone who might be suicidal

You do not need to and shouldn’t handle suicide prevention on your own. “If that person is in imminent risk of harm and they are unable to keep themselves safe it is crucial to involve someone else,” says Lyter. “If this individual is a minor, then involving parents is key in ensuring they can remain safe. If they are an adult and are at immediate risk, you may need to call emergency services and request a wellness check if they are unwilling to seek immediate help.” 

The person in question should not be left alone when things escalate to this point. Freeman Valentine explains that you should stay with them and ensure they’re separated from anything they could use to attempt suicide. “However, you must also stay safe,” she adds. “While you do not want to engage in any argument or discord, it is important that the person knows that you are getting help for their safety and supporting them.”

Lyter encourages you to involve other people still, even if they are not at an immediate risk of attempting suicide. In involving close friends, family, doctors, or therapists, you are both giving your loved one a support group and giving yourself the help of other people to navigate this alongside. Freeman Valentine explains that parents, doctors, and emergency personnel can also ensure that a proper, professional risk assessment is performed.

How Charlie Health can help 

If you or a loved one are struggling with your mental health, Charlie Health is here to help. Charlie Health’s virtual Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) provides more than once-weekly mental health treatment for people dealing with serious mental health conditions, including anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, and more. Our expert clinicians incorporate evidence-based therapies into individual counseling, family therapy, and group sessions. We also offer medication management to clients as needed. With this kind of holistic treatment, managing your mental health is possible. Fill out the form below or give us a call to start healing today.