What Is Post Infidelity Stress Disorder?

Are you struggling to overcome the trauma of a partner’s infidelity? You might have post-infidelity stress disorder.

Post-infidelity stress disorder (PISD), a term drawing parallels with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), refers to the psychological distress and emotional turmoil that can occur after an affair. Though not an official mental health condition, PISD encompasses the very real and overwhelming emotions that can result from the discovery of a partner’s infidelity—which can itself lead to diagnosable conditions like anxiety and depression. Here is an explanation of how infidelity can affect the mental health of a betrayed spouse, healing strategies, and how to rebuild the trust that was broken as a result of an affair. 

What is post-infidelity stress disorder?

PISD is a set of symptoms that can develop in the aftermath of discovering a partner’s infidelity, focusing on the trauma caused specifically by emotional betrayal in a relationship. Unlike more commonly known stress responses, the discovery of infidelity can result in the betrayed partner experiencing profound emotional, cognitive, and physical responses that mirror symptoms of trauma, such as intrusive thoughts, hypervigilance, and emotional numbness. 

The key difference between PISD and regular relationship stress is the intensity at which the psychological aftermath is felt, displaying intense emotions of confusion, grief, and shock. The persistent intrusive thoughts and heightened anxiety that PISD brings can disrupt daily functioning, making it feel like the emotional and mental impact is far more overwhelming and long-lasting.

Symptoms of post-infidelity stress disorder 

After the discovery of infidelity, many betrayed partners experience a range of intense symptoms. These symptoms can be categorized into emotional, cognitive, and physical reactions to the traumatic experience. Here are examples of a few.  

1. Intrusive thoughts & flashbacks 

A constant mental replay of the affair, vivid flashbacks, and obsessive thoughts about the unfaithful partner’s actions are common experiences for those dealing with PISD. These thoughts can occur at any moment, often triggered by seemingly unrelated situations, and can lead to intense emotional reactions such as anxiety and anger. The mind may repeatedly revisit painful details of the affair–such as where it happened, when it happened, and with whom–which only deepens the emotional wound. 

2. Loss of trust

The betrayed spouse may struggle with deep trust issues, not only toward the unfaithful partner but also toward others, complicating future romantic relationships, friendships, and family dynamics. Even small interactions may trigger the hurt partner to experience feelings of suspicion or insecurity, making it difficult to feel fully safe and supported by those around them. This erosion of trust can create a pervasive sense of isolation, as the person may withdraw from others to avoid further emotional harm.

3. Emotional numbing 

Some people may shut down emotionally as a defense mechanism, detaching from their feelings and distancing themselves from the unfaithful partner and others. By shutting off their emotions, people may feel that they are protecting themselves from the overwhelming pain and betrayal they feel, but this is only a temporary way to avoid the hurt and can lead to a disconnection from their own feelings and from the people around them. 

Over time, a person’s avoidance of feeling emotions related to their partner’s betrayal can create barriers to communication, making it harder to rebuild intimacy in a relationship or seek support from loved ones. 

How infidelity affects mental health

Infidelity can leave profound emotional scars, leaving the betrayed partner feeling shock, sadness, anger, and sometimes even a loss of self-worth. This emotional upheaval can lead to an array of mental health struggles that can become long-term. Here are a few of the most common mental health disorders a victim of infidelity might develop. 

1. Anxiety disorders 

The discovery of an affair often causes intense anxiety, as the betrayed partner worries about the future of the relationship and whether trust can ever be restored. Sometimes, a person might develop a full-blown anxiety disorder, including general anxiety, panic attacks, or social anxiety. This heightened state of alertness can make everyday situations feel overwhelming, as the victim constantly anticipates further betrayal or emotional harm. 

Furthermore, simple routine activities, like leaving the house or interacting with others, can trigger feelings of unease or fear, leading a person to develop avoidance behaviors and a restricted sense of freedom. 

2. Depression 

Depression symptoms, such as feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and despair, are common in the aftermath of infidelity, potentially causing a person to isolate themselves from others, struggle to find motivation, or have difficulty finding joy in activities that once brought pleasure. Not only does this emotional weight take a toll on mental health, but it can also manifest as physical symptoms, such as exhaustion, sleep disturbances, and a lack of energy, making it difficult to engage in daily life. 

In the long run, the sense of emotional emptiness can cause a person to have low self-esteem, leaving them questioning their worth and whether they are capable of moving forward, either within the relationship or on their own.

3. Post-traumatic stress disorder  

While not all victims of an affair will experience PTSD, some may experience symptoms similar to those caused by other traumatic events, such as emotional numbness, flashbacks, hypervigilance, and intrusive thoughts related to the affair. Infidelity PTSD symptoms can persist long after the discovery of the affair, creating a constant emotional struggle within the victim, leaving them constantly on edge and unable to relax or feel safe, even in familiar environments. 

How to heal from post-infidelity stress disorder

Healing from PISD requires time, patience, and support from both the victim themself and those around them. Below are four strategies that can help the betrayed partner begin to heal emotionally, rebuild trust, and regain their sense of self.

1. Seek therapy and counseling

One of the most important steps in healing is seeking professional help. Individual counseling provides a safe space for the victim of infidelity to process conflicting emotions, address any PTSD symptoms, and gain tools for managing anxiety and stress. It’s also an opportunity to work through betrayal trauma and understand how to move forward, whether that means repairing the relationship or choosing to let go.

In terms of repairing the relationship, couples therapy is crucial to guide both partners through the difficult conversations necessary to rebuild trust and understanding. In cases where the relationship is irreparable, couples counseling can also help facilitate a healthy breakup.

2. Rebuild emotional and physical boundaries

For the affair victim, setting boundaries is an essential part of emotional recovery in order to help them regain control over their life and prevent further emotional damage. This may include taking time apart from the unfaithful partner, limiting communication, or creating emotional distance to allow space for self-reflection. 

3. Practice self-care and mindfulness

Managing the emotional distress caused by PISD requires a focus on self-care and emotional well-being. Engaging in physical activities like yoga or walking can help promote relaxation while practicing mindfulness techniques can reduce anxiety and calm the mind. Furthermore, reconnecting with hobbies, interests, and supportive friends or family can provide much-needed joy and emotional support. 

These practices help the betrayed partner stay grounded, regain emotional stability, and better cope with the challenges of the infidelity healing process.

4. Take time to reflect and heal

Healing from betrayal and infidelity takes time, as it’s essential for the betrayed partner to allow themselves to grieve and process the loss without rushing the healing journey. This might involve journaling, meditating, or simply taking time to reflect on personal values and what they want from future relationships.

It’s also important to acknowledge that healing is not linear, and setbacks may occur, but each step forward contributes to reclaiming emotional well-being and clarity for the future.

The role of the unfaithful partner in healing from PISD

While the betrayed partner faces the brunt of the emotional consequences, the role of the unfaithful partner is pivotal in their healing process. In the case that the relationship is able to survive, the unfaithful partner must demonstrate true remorse and a willingness to change using these steps.

1. Acknowledge the betrayal 

In order for the healing process to truly begin, it’s essential that the unfaithful partner fully acknowledges the gravity of their betrayal. Merely apologizing may not suffice; the betrayed partner needs to feel heard and validated in their pain, and the unfaithful partner must demonstrate that they understand the depth of the hurt they caused and a commitment to make amends. Once they show genuine remorse through consistent actions, the couple can take a step forward in rebuilding trust.

2. Take responsibility 

Healing is impossible until the unfaithful partner is willing to take full responsibility for their actions without blaming the betrayed partner or external circumstances. This means being honest about the impact of their behavior, recognizing the emotional devastation it caused, and showing a commitment to understanding their partner’s pain in order to move forward with affair recovery.

3. Rebuild trust 

Trust, once broken, is difficult to restore. The unfaithful partner must work to be transparent, consistent, and reliable in their actions, even when it’s uncomfortable, which may involve setting clear boundaries, eliminating secrecy, and engaging in couples counseling.

Additionally, the betrayed partner must also be allowed to express their feelings and ask questions without the fear of defensiveness, ensuring that the healing process is rooted in open communication and mutual respect.

How Charlie Health can help

If you or a loved one are struggling with a mental health disorder, Charlie Health is here to help. Charlie Health’s virtual Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) provides more than once-weekly mental health treatment for dealing with serious mental health conditions. Our expert clinicians incorporate evidence-based therapies into individual counseling, family therapy, and group sessions. With treatment, managing your mental health is possible. Fill out the form below or give us a call to start healing today.