How Does Divorce Affect Children at Different Ages?

Learn how divorce impacts kids at different ages and ways parents can protect their child’s emotional health during the divorce process.

Divorce is one of the most significant changes a child can experience. While age groups may respond differently, many parents wonder if there is a worst age for divorce for children. Research and real-world family law cases show that the effects of divorce vary depending on the child’s developmental stage, the level of parental conflict, and how custody arrangements are handled. Here’s how divorce affects children across different age groups, from toddlers to adult children, and what divorcing parents can do to reduce the emotional toll.

What is the worst age for divorce for children?

It’s hard to say if there is an exact “worst age” for divorce, but younger age groups might take it harder than older ones. The truth is that parental separation can be difficult at any age, but school-age children (ages 3–10) often show the most visible distress. At this stage, kids are old enough to understand family changes but too young to process the long-term reasoning behind them. 

That said, each age group faces unique challenges during the divorce process. For toddlers, separation anxiety is common, while for older children and teens, feelings of loyalty, conflict, or anger toward a parent may dominate. Even adult children are not immune, though they may handle it differently.

How does divorce affect toddlers and preschoolers (ages 3–5)?

For toddlers and preschoolers, their world revolves around their parents. At this stage, divorce may feel confusing and even frightening, with some children even believing that they caused the parents’ divorce. These negative thought patterns often lead to guilt and behavioral changes in children. Here’s an explanation of some effects of divorce on children ages 3-5. 

1. Magical thinking

Children of this age often show magical thinking, believing their behavior can change big events. A young child may think that if they behave better, their parents’ divorce won’t happen, which can lead to guilt. Gentle reassurance that the divorce isn’t their fault helps ease these worries.

2. Behavioral regression

During divorce, toddlers and preschoolers may experience behavioral regression. A child might begin bedwetting, clinging more to a parent, or reverting to earlier habits like thumb-sucking. These behaviors are a way of coping with stress and uncertainty, and they usually lessen once routines and reassurance are restored.

3. Separation anxiety

Separation anxiety is common during divorce, as young kids may fear losing a parent’s love or worry that one parent will disappear from their lives. Consistent routines and reassurance can help ease this fear.

Because this can be one of the worst ages for divorce for children, parents must explain changes gently and provide constant reassurance. Maintaining familiar routines helps reduce fear.

How does divorce affect school-age children (ages 6-10)?

For many experts, ages 6–10 are considered the worst age for divorce for children. At this stage, children are emotionally aware but not yet mature enough to fully understand adult relationships. Here are some ways divorce might affect children ages 6-10.

1. Understanding of family structure

At ages 6–10, children view their family as the core of their world. When parents separate, this sense of stability is shaken, and they may feel like their whole world is collapsing.

2. Emotional reactions

Feelings of intense anger, sadness, or even guilt are common. Some children may blame the absent parent, while others feel torn between both.

3. Academic and social struggles

This age group often deals with struggles in school related to divorce. Teachers often notice the signs first, such as falling grades or acting out in class. 

Because this age group is especially vulnerable, divorcing parents should handle the divorce process with care. A clear custody arrangement and cooperative parenting can reduce confusion and reassure the child that they are still loved.

How does divorce affect older children (ages 11–18)?

For older children and teenagers, divorce may bring relief in cases of high parental conflict or domestic violence, but it can also trigger resentment. Adolescents are more likely to side with one parent, resist custody schedules, or challenge authority. Here are some of the common issues that can arise with older children in a divorce. 

1. Sense of identity 

For teens, adolescence is a critical stage for building a sense of identity and independence. When a parental divorce happens during these years, it can create feelings of instability and confusion. Teens may question where they belong within the changing family structure, making the path toward independence more difficult.

2. Loyalty conflicts

Loyalty conflicts are common for teens when parents divorce. Feeling pressured to choose sides between divorcing parents can strain relationships and create resentment, leaving the teen caught in the middle of family tension.

3. Behavioral risks

Older children and teens may also face higher behavioral risks after a divorce. In response to family changes, some may experiment with substance use, act out at school, or withdraw socially as a way of coping with stress and instability.

Here, communication matters. Teens appreciate being included in discussions about parenting time and custody decisions. A thoughtful parenting plan helps maintain trust and respect with the teen.

How does divorce affect adult children (18+)?

It’s easy to assume that adult children are unaffected by divorce; however, they can experience grief as well. Even an adult child may feel sadness when married parents separate after decades together. Here are some of the ways they might be affected. 

1. Shock and betrayal

For adult children, divorce can bring a deep sense of shock and betrayal. Many assume their parents’ marriage is permanent, so a late-life parental divorce may feel like losing part of their family history and stability.

2. Role reversal

In contrast to the younger age groups, role reversal can occur when adult children feel pressured to step in and support one parent emotionally or even financially after a divorce. This shift can strain their own independence and blur healthy family boundaries.

3. Shifts in family structure

A divorce often brings major shifts in family structure. Longstanding holidays, traditions, and family gatherings may be disrupted, leaving adult children feeling destabilized as they adjust to a new way of relating to each parent.

Legal and practical considerations of divorce for children of different ages

The impact of divorce on young children isn’t just emotional; it also depends on how the divorce process unfolds. A divorce lawyer often guides parents through critical issues like child custody, child support, and spousal support. Here are some factors to be aware of that affect young children of divorce.

1. Child custody and parenting time

Courts focus on the child’s best interests in custody cases, but disputes can be especially stressful for kids ages 6–10 due to their limited understanding. At this stage, children need routine and stability. A balanced custody arrangement with consistent parenting time helps them feel secure and maintain strong bonds with both parents.

2. Child support and financial stability

Child support plays a key role in protecting children after divorce, especially for young children who depend on structure and daily routines. When support is consistent, it helps maintain stability in housing, schooling, and activities, reducing the stress of major changes. Without financial stability, both parents and children may struggle, making the adjustment to a new family structure even harder.

3. Divorce mediation and collaborative divorce

Many families turn to divorce mediation or collaborative divorce rather than lengthy courtroom battles. These methods reduce conflict, promote cooperation, and keep decision-making centered on the child’s best interests. For children, especially those in the vulnerable 3–10 age range, this approach helps prevent them from feeling caught in the middle and supports a smoother transition to a new family dynamic.

How to help children through the divorce process

For young children who may not fully grasp the concept of divorce, the way divorcing parents handle separation plays a bigger role than the split itself. Here are four steps to help support young children through the divorce process.

1. Minimize parental conflict

Minimizing parental conflict is one of the most important ways to support young children during the divorce process. When parents argue openly, kids often feel caught in the middle, which can harm their emotional health. Shielding them from disagreements and keeping communication respectful helps children feel safe and secure. 

2. Keep routines consistent

Maintaining consistency in routines is crucial during a divorce. Younger children in particular rely on predictable schedules for comfort and stability, and keeping daily life steady helps them adjust to changes in the family with less stress.

3. Offer reassurance and communication

Reassurance and communication are important to remind children that just because things are changing, it doesn’t necessarily mean anything is happening. Children need to hear, again and again, that they are loved and not to blame for the separation. Open, age-appropriate conversations help ease confusion and strengthen their sense of security.

4. Seek professional support

In some cases, especially for young kids, seeking professional support can make a big difference in how they get through the divorce. Options like family counseling or play therapy, which is particularly helpful in teaching young children to express their emotions through art or play when they may not be able to properly communicate them, provide a safe space for kids to talk about their feelings from the divorce and learn healthy ways to manage their emotions.

How Charlie Health can help

If your child or a loved one is struggling to navigate a major life change like divorce, Charlie Health is here to help. Charlie Health’s virtual Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) provides more than once-weekly mental health treatment for dealing with serious mental health conditions. Our expert clinicians incorporate evidence-based therapies into individual counseling, family therapy, and group sessions. With treatment, managing your mental health is possible. Fill out the form below or give us a call to start healing today.