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What to Know When Dating Someone With Bipolar Disorder
Written By: Alex Bachert, MPH
Clinically Reviewed By: Sarah Lyter
October 4, 2024
7 min.
Charlie Health offers five expert relationship tips for supporting your partner with bipolar disorder.
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Bipolar disorder is a type of mood disorder characterized by dramatic and unpredictable mood swings, ranging from manic or hypomanic highs to depressive lows. The condition can affect people’s energy levels, ability to think clearly, and interest in daily activities.
As you can probably imagine, these symptoms can take a serious toll on a person’s ability to build and maintain interpersonal relationships. The good news is that it’s completely possible to have a meaningful and fulfilling relationship with someone who has bipolar disorder. Below, we review everything you should know when dating someone with bipolar disorder in order to prioritize their mental health and your own well-being.
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What to know if you’re dating someone with bipolar disorder
If you’re dating someone who has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, learning more about the condition is one of the best things you can do for yourself, your partner, and the health of your relationship. To start, there are several types of bipolar disorder, and here’s an overview of what you should know about each:
1. Bipolar I disorder
Bipolar I is the most severe form of the condition. To be diagnosed with bipolar I, a person’s manic episodes must last for at least seven days or be severe enough to require hospitalization. Although depression is not necessary for a diagnosis, it’s common for people to experience major depressive episodes that last for two or more weeks.
When people are manic, they may engage in impulsive behaviors with little regard for the consequences. For example, they might spend lots of money, engage in reckless behaviors like unsafe sex, or take on big projects with unrealistic expectations of success.
2. Bipolar II disorder
Bipolar II involves at least one episode of hypomania, a milder form of mania that doesn’t include psychotic episodes, and at least one major depressive episode. Psychotic episodes are much less common in bipolar II as compared to bipolar I, but may still happen. Overall, bipolar II is less severe than bipolar I and doesn’t typically require hospitalization. Hypomanic episodes can lead to an increase in energy, drive, and speech. Your partner may be more interested in sex or feel inspired by big ideas.
3. Cyclothymic disorder
Cyclothymic disorder is a milder form of bipolar disorder that causes ongoing mood swings and emotional ups and downs. To be diagnosed with cyclothymic disorder, a person must experience symptoms of hypomania and mild depression for at least two years (one year for teens), with episodes of “normal mood” that last less than eight consecutive weeks. Although symptoms are less severe than bipolar I or II, the condition can still significantly impact people’s relationships and social connections.
4. Bipolar disorder unspecified
When a person exhibits manic, hypomanic, or depressive symptoms but doesn’t meet the criteria for bipolar I, II, or cyclothymia, they may be diagnosed with bipolar disorder unspecified.
Five tips for dating someone with bipolar disorder
“All relationships can have challenges, and I feel that dating someone with bipolar disorder can present all the same challenges one might find in a relationship that does not have the disorder present,” says Alysson Thewes, MSW, LCSW, a Primary Therapist with Charlie Health. “With that, due to the lability at times of the individual’s mood, it can be helpful to be proactive and ensure that there is an openness to one another and the commitment to making the relationship work on both sides.” Below, we share five additional tips for supporting a partner with bipolar disorder.
1. Learn more about your partner’s condition
One of the best ways to support a partner with bipolar disorder is to educate yourself on the diagnosis. Learning about bipolar disorder can help you understand your partner’s symptoms, potential challenges and how to help them during episodes of mania, hypomania, and depression. Support groups and community resources for those with the diagnosis and their loved ones can also be beneficial, says Thewes.
Additionally, “it is important to ask your loved one with the condition to tell you about their individual experience with the diagnosis and, most importantly, to ask them how you can best support them,” explains Thewes.
2. Prioritize communication
Open communication is essential to any relationship, but it’s especially important when one or both partners are experiencing a mental health issue. “If you are concerned your partner is showing signs of bipolar disorder, it is important to bring up your concerns in a thoughtful and caring way so they can be addressed,” says Thewes. She explains that you might want to have a conversation with your partner if they’re showing signs of bipolar disorder but they:
- Haven’t been diagnosed
- Haven’t told you about their diagnosis that you suspect,
- Are diagnosed but you know they are not taking medication
If you’re not sure how to start or navigate the conversation, here are a few tips for having more empathic conversations.
- If you struggle to verbalize your thoughts, consider writing your partner a letter with how you feel.
- Focus on “I” statements instead of “you” statements. For example, try saying “I feel upset when you…” versus “You made me feel upset.”
- Remember that communication is a two-way street so always encourage your partner to share their thoughts, fears, insecurities, and triggers.
3. Be patient and empathetic
Bipolar disorder can affect many aspects of a relationship, including physical intimacy and emotional connection. Having a partner with bipolar disorder may also mean you end up taking on more responsibilities related to finances, career decisions, and household tasks, according to research on married couples.
And while all of this can be incredibly frustrating, it’s important to remember that bipolar disorder is a mental health condition and not a choice. If you’re committed to making the relationship with your partner work, consider the following tips for helping them feel supported and loved.
- Remember to be patient and understanding during episodes of mania, hypomania, and depression
- Recognize your partner for who they are as an individual and not their diagnosis
- Offer your partner space to process their emotions on their own
- Remember that you can control your own thoughts, actions, and reactions but not your partner’s
4. Practice self-care
When dating someone with a complex mental health condition like bipolar disorder, it can be easy to forget about your own mental and physical needs. That said, making time for your own well-being is one of the best ways to help yourself and them.
Self-care is a broad term that refers to activities that help you feel your best. Common examples of self-care include listening to music, taking a warm bath, journaling, and spending time with good friends. It’s also important to remember to eat a balanced diet, make time for regular exercise, and maintain your own passions and interests.
5. Know when to seek professional support
Watching someone you care about struggle with a mental health condition can leave you feeling helpless, but know that professional help is always an option. “If your partner’s depressive episodes or manic episodes are beginning to adversely affect their own life and/or your life, it is time for professional mental health support,” says Thewes. Other signs that your partner may need professional help include:
- They are expressing thoughts of suicide or self-harm
- Their symptoms have become more severe or are lasting longer than usual
- They are using unhealthy coping outlets, like drugs or alcohol, to deal with symptoms
How to manage bipolar disorder
Managing bipolar disorder requires a comprehensive approach to care. If your partner is already receiving treatment, it likely includes a combination of talk therapy, medication management, and lifestyle changes. Social support is also considered an important component of care.
If you suspect that your partner is struggling with bipolar disorder but they’ve never received an official diagnosis, encourage them to make an appointment with a healthcare provider to review symptoms and discuss solutions for care. The conversation may not be easy, but helping them be honest about their symptoms is an opportunity to improve their overall quality of life and the state of your relationship.
1. Talk therapy
Treatment for bipolar disorder varies by person, but cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), and group therapy are some of the most effective therapy modalities for the condition.
2. Medication management
Medication won’t cure bipolar disorder, but it can help people better manage their symptoms. Providers will typically use a combination of several medications so it’s best to review your specific symptoms and diagnosis with your provider to find the right treatment for you.
3. Lifestyle changes
Making time for self-care is just as beneficial for your partner as it is for you. When learning to manage a condition like bipolar disorder, it’s helpful to eat a healthy diet, avoid drugs and alcohol, and keep a mood journal to track behavior patterns.
Treating bipolar disorder at Charlie Health
If someone in your life is struggling to manage symptoms of bipolar disorder, know that Charlie Health is here to help. Charlie Health’s virtual Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) provides more than once-weekly mental health treatment for people dealing with serious mental health conditions, including bipolar disorder. Our clinicians use a variety of evidence-based therapy modalities in individual therapy, group sessions, and family therapy for bipolar treatment. We can also connect you with a psychiatrist for medication management. Fill out the form below or give us a call to start your healing journey today.
References
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26890335/
https://www.nami.org/About-Mental-Illness/Mental-Health-Conditions/Bipolar-Disorder/
https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/bipolar-disorders/what-are-bipolar-disorders
https://medlineplus.gov/bipolardisorder.html