How to Cope With Grief and the Holidays, According to Experts

Learn about how to cope with grief over the holidays.

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Grief and the holidays are a difficult combination that can bring painful emotions and stress. Whether it’s your first holiday season without a loved one or the next in a long sequence of years, grief can weigh heavily this time of year. The holidays are a time of year that comes with memories, traditions, rituals, gatherings, and a lot of expectations for how things will go. It can be challenging to go through without a loved one’s presence. 

Here we explore why grief can feel more intense during the holidays, the emotional challenges many people face, and expert-backed ways to cope with loss during this season.

Why does grief get more intense during the holiday season?

Experiencing intense grief during the holidays is incredibly normal. “Reminders of these people often reignite strongly around the holidays, which can make the absence of these people feel particularly poignant,” says Charlie Health Licensed Creative Arts Therapist Courtney Way, MA, LCAT. 

“This, coupled with cultural expectations that tell people the holidays are supposed to be filled with joy or in the ‘holiday spirit,’ may also trigger grief because it highlights the differentiation between one’s personal emotions vs the pressure society puts on you to feel a certain way,” she adds.

Charlie Health Contemplative Practitioner Tairesha “Sunflower” Flemister, LMSW, adds that this time, more than most, can remind you that life isn’t what it was and brings a sense of uneasiness as you search for new meaning and balance.  

According to Flemister, the holidays can bring up challenging sensations such as:

• Traditions that feel “broken” without the person
• Memories that surface unexpectedly, both warm and painful
• Questions like, “What does this time mean now?”
• Pressure to be cheerful while internally feeling sadness, anger, or confusion

The holidays also often come with time off, traveling, or other long periods without distraction. This open space can give you more time to reflect and remember who you’ve lost. 

Causes of grief and loneliness during the holidays

As discussed, the holidays can be a time of loneliness for many people, and feeling the absence of a loved one can emphasize this emotion. According to Charlie Health Group Facilitator Chris Hinton, MS, M.Ed., LPC, CLC, CTP, your grief can create a sense of loneliness during the holidays for many reasons, including: 

• The person you want most isn’t there
• Feel “out of sync” with everyone else
• A desire not to burden others
• Traditions feel empty or different without others or their loved ones 
• Miss the role you used to have for a loved one
• Your grief is not being understood
• A comparison to how things used to be

Coping with grief and loss during the holidays

Your loss doesn’t have to completely overwhelm you during the holiday season, though it’s completely natural to be enveloped in it. There are ways to take care of yourself throughout this time of year. “Coping with grief during the holidays is about making space for your emotions, reducing pressure, and finding ways to honor your loved one while also taking care of yourself,” says Hinton. 

Here are some ways to cope with your grief during the holidays. 

1. Let yourself feel

Bottling up your feelings never makes them go away — or leaves you feeling any better. Hinton stresses the importance of acknowledging how you feel and giving yourself permission to feel it. 

Flemister adds that you can “allow a mix of emotions to exist,” rather than try to lean solely into holiday cheer. Often grief can soften when allowed to be felt.  

2. Do mindful activities

Giving yourself a healthy space to process grief can also go a long way toward regulating your emotions. Way suggests engaging in mindful activities such as gentle movement, journaling, listening to music, or going into nature (weather permitting). 

3. Set boundaries

You don’t need to put on a show for anyone. Take care of yourself and set both physical and emotional boundaries that make sense for you. “This can manifest as limiting time spent at social events, preparing responses to family members’ personal questions, leaving early, arriving late, spending time with those who make you feel safer, or bringing someone who makes you feel safe,” says Way. 

4. Adjust your expectations

The holiday season won’t be the same without your loved one around. Hinton suggests adjusting your expectations of what this time is like and preparing for what it is and can be. 

5. Create new traditions

Similarly, the holiday season doesn’t have to look the same as it always has. You might want to change, skip, or start new traditions in a meaningful way for you and your family, says Way. 

Hinton emphasizes that a new ritual can be big or small; they just have to be right for you. 

6. Honor your loved one

On that note, you can also take time to honor your loved one during the holiday season. You could do things such as writing them a letter, visiting a meaningful place, sharing stories about them, lighting a candle, placing a photo, or making their favorite dish, says Flemister.

7. Ask for support 

You don’t have to face this grief alone. No matter how much time has passed, you can ask loved ones for support with your grief during the holidays or any other time. They can help you create holiday traditions that acknowledge your loss in a meaningful way. You can also seek out individual or group therapy, as well as grief support groups. 

As you cope, remember that grief during holiday gatherings is normal. “Grief and loneliness around the holidays don’t mean that someone is ‘going backwards’ or that they are stuck or not healing,” says Way. “It is a regular part of emotional processing and healing, and often involves reflecting on and honoring the deep levels of love and connection that someone felt.” 

How Charlie Health can help 

If you or a loved one are struggling with grief, Charlie Health is here to help. Charlie Health’s virtual Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) provides more than once-weekly mental health treatment for dealing with serious mental health conditions, including grief, depression, and more. Our expert clinicians incorporate evidence-based therapies into individual counseling, family therapy, and group sessions. With treatment, managing your well-being is possible. Fill out the form below or give us a call to start healing today.