10 Things Narcissistic Friends Say to Manipulate You

Having a narcissistic friend can lead to emotional exhaustion, diminished self-esteem, and a constant sense of being manipulated and undervalued. Here’s what this kind of friendship might sound like.

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Navigating a friendship with a narcissist can be incredibly challenging, especially when their manipulative tactics are subtle and insidious. Narcissistic people often use specific phrases to control, guilt, or undermine their friends, making it challenging to maintain a healthy relationship with someone with narcissistic traits. Understanding these manipulative statements can help you recognize when you’re experiencing emotional manipulation and empower you to respond more effectively. 

Below, we’ll delve into common manipulative phrases a narcissistic friend might use and the psychological impact of a narcissistic friendship. We’ll also provide strategies for improving and managing the friendship more effectively.

10 things narcissistic friends say

Narcissistic friends often use manipulative phrases to control or diminish others. Here are 10 common things narcissists might say:

1. “You’re too sensitive.”

This can invalidate your feelings, making you doubt yourself and feel like you’re overreacting.

2. “I’m the only one who really understands you.”

They may isolate you from others by making you feel like no one else can offer you the same understanding or care, fostering dependency.

3. “After everything I’ve done for you, you owe me.”

This creates a sense of guilt and obligation, making you feel indebted to them.

4. “You’re lucky to have me as a friend.”

This inflates their sense of importance and makes you believe the relationship is a privilege, not a two-way street.

5. “If you really cared about me, you’d do this.”

This is a common guilt trip used to manipulate you into doing things for them under the guise of loyalty or care.

6. “I didn’t mean it like that; you’re just twisting my words.”

This is a form of gaslighting where they deny or distort reality, making you second-guess what happened or was said.

7. “Everyone agrees with me; you’re the only one who thinks that way.”

They attempt to isolate you by making you feel like your opinion is invalid and not shared by others.

8. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

This non-apology shifts responsibility onto you for having emotions without acknowledging any fault on their part.

9. “You’re just jealous of me.”

They project insecurity onto you, turning the tables to make it seem like you’re the problem rather than them.

10. “You’ll never find another friend like me.”

This reinforces the idea that they are irreplaceable, keeping you hooked into the relationship by instilling fear of being alone.

The psychological effects of narcissism

Friendship with a narcissistic person can leave deep psychological scars, affecting long-term mental health and self-esteem. The emotional abuse inherent in these relationships can cause gradual yet profound damage, resulting in a variety of long-term psychological issues. The constant emotional abuse and manipulation may leave one feeling drained, confused, and unworthy. Over time, this toxic dynamic can lead to:

• Chronic stress arising from the unpredictability and constant tension in the friendship leading to anxiety and even depression
• Emotional exhaustion when narcissistic friends take more than they give
• Low self esteem as narcissists routinely belittle or diminish others

How to set healthy boundaries with a narcissistic friend

Setting boundaries is crucial in improving the dynamics of a friendship with a narcissistic person. Consistently enforcing these boundaries reinforces their importance and prevents the narcissistic friend from overstepping. This practice establishes a more balanced dynamic and protects your emotional well-being. Maintaining clear boundaries creates a healthier framework for the relationship and safeguards your mental health. Here are some effective strategies for setting healthy boundaries with someone with narcissistic behavior:

1. Identify your boundaries

First, define what behaviors you find unacceptable and what limits you need to feel respected. This might include limits on how often you meet, the topics you discuss, or how you interact. Being clear about your boundaries will help you communicate them effectively and maintain consistency in enforcing them.

2. Communicate clearly

Once you’ve established your boundaries, communicate them directly and assertively. Use clear language to explain what you need and why. It’s important to stay calm and avoid emotional reactions during these conversations. Clear communication helps prevent misunderstandings and sets a solid foundation for maintaining boundaries.

3. Enforce your boundaries

Consistency is vital when enforcing boundaries — in fact, it may be the most important part of boundary setting.  If your narcissistic friend crosses a boundary, calmly remind them of the limit and explain the consequences if it happens again. It’s essential to follow through with any consequences you’ve outlined to reinforce the seriousness of your boundaries and discourage future violations.

4. Practice self-care

Ensure that you prioritize your well-being outside of the friendship. Engage in activities that replenish your energy and seek support from other friends or a therapist if needed. Self-care helps you maintain resilience and reduces the emotional impact of a narcissistic relationship.

5. Evaluate the relationship

Regularly assess how the friendship affects you and whether it aligns with your needs and values. It might be worth considering whether the relationship benefits you if your boundaries are consistently disrespected despite your efforts. Sometimes, taking a step back or distancing yourself can be necessary for mental and emotional health.

How Charlie Health can help

If you or a loved one are struggling with an abusive relationship, Charlie Health is here to help. Charlie Health’s virtual Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) provides more than once-weekly mental health treatment for dealing with serious mental health conditions, including anxiety, depression, personality disorders, and more. Our expert clinicians incorporate evidence-based therapies into individual counseling, family therapy, and group sessions. With treatment, managing your mental health is possible. Fill out the form below or give us a call to start healing today.