Here’s How to Deal With Manipulative People

Tips for setting and enforcing boundaries plus guidance on when to seek professional support.

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It’s true: dealing with manipulative people can take a significant toll on your mental health. Over time, emotional manipulation (which is sometimes considered a form of emotional abuse) can impact your self-esteem, increase feelings of worthlessness, and even contribute to anxiety and depression symptoms. The good news is dealing with manipulation is manageable — and not something you need to do by yourself. In fact it’s essential to prioritize your mental well-being and seek support to navigate these challenges effectively.

Below, we will explore how to deal with manipulative people, why it’s challenging, and how to spot manipulative behavior.

How to deal with manipulative people

Dealing with manipulative people can be challenging, but there are several strategies that can help you navigate these situations effectively:

1. Set and maintain boundaries

Clearly define your boundaries and stick to them. Manipulative people often try to push boundaries, so it’s essential to assert yourself firmly and consistently enforce your boundaries to avoid giving mixed signals.

2. Communicate effectively

Maintain a calm and composed demeanor to avoid escalating the situation. Express your feelings and needs using “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory (e.g., “I feel upset when…”). 

3. Seek support

Discuss the situation with friends, family, or colleagues who can offer perspective and support. A therapist or counselor can provide strategies and support in dealing with manipulative people.

4. Document interactions

Document specific instances of manipulative behavior, especially if it happens in a work or formal setting. Having a record can help you address the issue with others or seek help if needed.

5. Focus on self-care

Ensure you are taking care of your physical and mental health. Engage in activities that help reduce stress, such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies.

6. Know when to walk away

Consider if the relationship is worth maintaining if the manipulative behavior continues. Be prepared to end the relationship if it is harmful to your well-being.

Why is it so hard to deal with manipulative people?

Dealing with manipulative people is challenging due to the complex nature of their tactics and the emotional toll they can take on their targets. Manipulators are skilled at exploiting psychological vulnerabilities, using manipulative tendencies such as guilt-tripping, gaslighting, and playing the victim to control others, research shows. A manipulation tactic can create a sense of confusion and self-doubt in their targets, making it difficult to recognize and resist their influence. Additionally, the fear of confrontation and potential retaliation further complicates the situation, as victims may hesitate to assert themselves or set boundaries with the manipulator.

Manipulative people often maintain close relationships with their targets, such as with a family member or romantic partner, which adds another layer of complexity to the dynamics. These relationships can make it harder to disengage or set boundaries without causing further conflict or disruption. Overall, the combination of psychological manipulation, emotional manipulation, fear of confrontation, and the complexities of relationships with a manipulator makes dealing with them a formidable task.

Signs of manipulation in a relationship

Recognizing manipulation in a relationship is crucial for maintaining your emotional and mental well-being. Here are some common signs of manipulation:

• Guilt-tripping
• Gaslighting
• Excessive flattery or charm
• Playing the victim
• Shifting blame
• Boundary violations
• Excessive jealousy
• Lying and deception
• Controlling behavior

If you notice these signs in your relationship, it’s important to address them and seek support. Consider talking to a trusted friend, family member, or professional for guidance on how to handle the situation.

How to stop being manipulated

Stopping manipulation involves several steps to assert boundaries and protect yourself:

1. Educate yourself

Learn about manipulation tactics and how to counter them effectively. Being informed empowers you to recognize manipulation and equips you with the tools to resist it.

2. Set clear boundaries

Boundaries protect your emotional and mental well-being, making it harder for manipulators to take advantage of you. Clearly define what behaviors are acceptable and unacceptable in your interactions.

3. Limit engagement

Limiting engagement minimizes the manipulator’s opportunities to influence and control you. Reduce or avoid interactions with the manipulative person, especially in situations where manipulation is likely.

4. Develop assertiveness

Being assertive helps you communicate clearly and resist manipulative tactics without feeling guilty or defensive. Learn to express your needs and stand up for yourself confidently and respectfully. Part of being assertive is maintaining the above boundaries. It is one thing to say and decide on boundaries; it is another to maintain and hold yourself accountable for following through on those boundaries.

5. Trust your instincts

Trusting your instincts can help you identify manipulation early and take steps to protect yourself. Pay attention to your gut feelings and intuition when something feels off in a relationship.

6. Seek support

Support from others provides perspective, validation, and strategies to handle manipulative behavior effectively. Talk to trusted friends, family, or professionals about your experiences with manipulation.

How Charlie Health can help

If you or a loved one are struggling with your mental health, Charlie Health is here to help. Charlie Health’s virtual Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) provides more than once-weekly mental health treatment for young people and families dealing with serious mental health conditions. Our expert clinicians incorporate evidence-based therapies into individual counseling, family therapy, and group sessions. With this kind of holistic online therapy, managing your mental health is possible. Fill out the form below or give us a call to start healing today.