Understanding Deeply Feeling Kids and How to Help Them

Read on to learn what it means to be a “deeply feeling kid” and what you can do to help your child if they are one.

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Do you have a child who has very big emotions? Maybe they cry easily, get overwhelmed quickly, or have meltdowns in reaction to what seem like insignificant problems. Or, you might notice their emotional regulation seems to differ from that of their peers.

If so, your child might be a “deeply feeling kid,” or a “DFK.” This term was coined by clinical psychologist Dr Becky Kennedy. Since the term has become more popular, many parents have taken solace in this explanation, using it to better understand their child and, in turn, help them.

Read on to learn about deeply feeling kids, the challenges they face, strategies to help them cope, parenting tips, and more.

What are deeply feeling kids?

As the name suggests, deeply feeling kids are children who feel their emotions very deeply. 

“Deeply feeling kids differ from their peers in that they experience the world with heightened emotional intensity and awareness,” says Chris Hinton, LPC, a Charlie Health Group Facilitator.
“They tend to feel both positive and negative emotions and much more deeply, often reacting strongly to situations that others might dismiss as minor.” On top of feeling their emotions very deeply, DFKs also struggle with emotional regulation, which means they struggle to calm down when they’re in a state of distress.

It’s common for deeply feeling kids to be sensitive to the people around them, too. “They care deeply about others, notice subtle shifts in tone or mood, and may internalize more than they express,” says Bree Williams, LPCA, a Charlie Health Group Facilitator. “Their emotional world is rich — and while that is a gift, it can also lead to emotional overwhelm if not understood or supported.”

According to Dr. Becky’s website, here are some additional signs that you might have a deeply feeling child:

• It’s very difficult for them to calm down when they’re feeling a negative emotion, and it might even take hours to return to their baseline.
• They react out of proportion to things that you might think are small.
• Others label them as “difficult” or “dramatic.”
• They engage in aggressive behavior (such as screaming, kicking, or hitting).
• They tell you to leave them alone when they’re feeling heightened emotions.
• They don’t want to have conversations with you about their feelings.
• They have very strong opinions.
• They have difficulty adapting to change. 
• They blame you for things you did not directly cause.

What are the emotional and social challenges that deeply feeling kids face?

“Deeply feeling kids often face emotional and social challenges because they experience everything more strongly than their peers,” Hinton says. “Emotionally, they can become easily overwhelmed by their feelings or by what others are feeling around them. Small problems might feel very big to them, and they may have a hard time calming down once upset.”

Additionally, Hinton says they may:

• Be very self-critical
• Worry about disappointing others
• Feel socially “different” and misunderstood
• Take things personally 
• Try to please everyone to avoid conflict
• Pull away in relationships when things feel too intense

Furthermore, deeply feeling kids are typically empaths. “Their empathy is usually advanced for their age, allowing them to sense and absorb the feelings of those around them, sometimes to the point of emotional overwhelm,” Hinton says.

All of these factors can make social relationships more challenging for deeply feeling kids, especially if they don’t have the proper strategies and support in place to help them cope.

Strategies to empower and help deeply feeling kids 

Deeply feeling kids need some extra support to regulate their emotions and deal with big feelings in a healthy way. With the correct coping strategies, deeply feeling kids can thrive. If you’re looking for advice on how to help your child, here are seven therapist-approved tips for helping deeply feeling kids cope. 

1. Normalize their emotions

Since they feel so deeply, these children might feel “different” from other kids who don’t, and they might think that something is “wrong” with them. This can further intensify their distress and lead to shame, which is why it’s so important to normalize their emotions. “They need to know nothing is wrong with the way they feel,” Williams says. 

2. Teach emotional language 

Once you’ve normalized emotions, it helps to give them a vocabulary and proper terms for expressing them, especially if they’re younger. They might feel frustrated if they don’t know how to describe their feelings.

“Help them name their feelings, such as ‘I feel frustrated,’ or ‘I feel overwhelmed,’” Williams says. “Naming emotions reduces intensity.” 

You can also use feeling charts so they can visually identify what they’re experiencing — from sadness to anger to joy — and build emotional awareness.

3. Promote quiet time in calm spaces

When everything feels super overwhelming to a child, it’s helpful for them to have a safe space to calm down and feel less overstimulated. “These children benefit from quiet time and calming spaces where they can recharge, perhaps a cozy corner with soft lighting, favorite books, or soothing music,” Hinton says.

Help create a space that they love and encourage them to use it when they’re struggling.

4. Teach them grounding techniques

Grounding techniques are methods that can help kids (or people of any age) come back into the present moment when things feel too overwhelming. Williams says some examples of this include:

• Counting objects in the room
• Touching something with a predictable texture (such as a favorite stuffed animal)
• Deep breathing

For younger kids, you can make deep breathing more accessible by teaching kid-friendly methods. One example is cookie breathing, where they inhale, pretending to smell a yummy fresh-baked cookie, and then exhale, pretending to blow on the cookie to cool it down. Or, you can have them hold out a hand and slowly trace each finger, inhaling on the way up and exhaling on the way down. 

5. Teach them how to set boundaries

“Setting healthy boundaries is another key skill for deeply feeling kids, especially since they often take on the emotions or responsibilities of others,” Hinton says. She recommends teaching your deeply feeling child that it’s okay to say “no,” ask for space, or take a break.

6. Maintain routines

Hinton suggests creating calm routines to keep predictability. “Deeply feeling kids often do best when they know what to expect,” she says. “Simple things like a consistent bedtime, a calm morning routine, or a few minutes to unwind after school can help them feel secure and balanced.”

How to parent deeply feeling kids 

There are also things you can do as a parent to create a supportive home environment and strengthen your kid’s emotional regulation. Here are five tips, including advice from therapists. 

1. Model calm

Although you might feel very overwhelmed in the moment, it’s important to model a calm response to your deeply feeling child. “Your tone and nervous system responses matter,” Williams says. “They co-regulate with you. Your consistent presence teaches them that big feelings are survivable.”

In addition to co-regulating, you want to set a positive example for your child. “Adults can make a big difference by modeling emotional balance themselves,” Hinton says. “When caregivers calmly talk about their own feelings and coping strategies, children learn that strong emotions can be handled in healthy ways.”

2. Don’t always go into fix-it mode

When your child is struggling emotionally or even having a meltdown, you might be tempted to jump straight into problem-solving or “fix-it” mode, attempting to get it under control as soon as possible.

“It’s natural to want to calm them down quickly, but the most helpful first step is to let them know you understand,” Hinton says. “Try saying, ‘I can see that really hurt your feelings,’ or, ‘It makes sense you feel sad.’ This teaches your child that all feelings are okay and that they can talk about them safely.”

If you try to get them to stop crying right away, it can feel invalidating to the child. You want to validate their experience first. “Emotions don’t have to be ‘fixed’ quickly — just held with care,” Williams says.

3. Avoid shaming phrases

Williams stresses the importance of avoiding “shaming” phrases, such as “you’re too sensitive,” or “stop being dramatic,” when they’re deep in their big feelings.  

“These messages teach self-rejection,” she says. Again, you want to let them know it’s okay to have and feel their feelings.

4. Nurture their gifts

“It’s important to nurture the unique gifts that come with deep sensitivity, empathy, creativity, and compassion,” Hinton says. Make sure to give them opportunities to express their creativity, such as through art, music, or journaling. This empowers them to have a creative experience inspired by their emotions. 

5. Set boundaries with compassion

Every child needs boundaries and rules. When dealing with deeply feeling kids, it’s important to voice these compassionately, Williams says. “Clear rules delivered gently help children learn emotional regulation without feeling punished for their feelings,” she adds. 

6. Celebrate their sensitivity

“Remind them that their big heart and empathy make them special, and that the world needs people who care deeply,” Hinton says. “With your patience, love, and guidance, your deeply feeling child can grow into a compassionate, confident, and emotionally strong adult.”

Deeply feeling kids as adults

So, what happens to deeply feeling kids as they grow up? Williams says many deeply feeling kids carry some of these traits into adulthood. She says that as adults, they may become:

• Highly empathetic friends and partners
• Creative problem-solvers
• Emotionally perceptive individuals 

“However, without emotional support in childhood, many deeply feeling adults may struggle with people-pleasing, burnout, or emotional overwhelm,” Williams adds. “The goal is not to change who they are—but to help them understand how to navigate the world without losing their emotional richness.”

With the right support in childhood, Williams says that deeply feeling kids can grow into adults who have strong emotional intelligence and turn their emotional depth into connection and creativity.

How Charlie Health can help

“Deeply feeling kid” is not a formal diagnosis or a mental health condition. However, if your child seems to be struggling to a point where they are having trouble functioning at school or in their day-to-day life, you may want to seek professional help — and Charlie Health is here to help. Charlie Health’s virtual Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) provides more than once-weekly mental health treatment for conditions such as anxiety, depression, and more. Our expert clinicians incorporate evidence-based therapies into individual counseling, family therapy, and group sessions. With treatment, managing your child’s well-being is possible. Fill out the form below or give us a call to start healing today.