How to Support a Highly Sensitive Child, According to Therapists

Here are expert-approved tips for supporting a highly sensitive child.

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Being a parent means learning about and adapting to all the different things your kids feel and experience. Take intense emotions, for instance. Everyone feels them now and again, but understanding what triggers them in your child can provide them with incredible support. In some cases, you might find that you have a highly sensitive child. 

In 1996, psychologist and researcher Dr. Elaine Aron coined the term “highly sensitive person” in her book, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You. She defines a highly sensitive person, or HSP, as someone who has a “sensitive nervous system, is aware of subtleties in his/her surroundings, and is more easily overwhelmed when in a highly stimulating environment.” Read on to learn how to identify and support a highly sensitive child.

What is a highly sensitive child? 

Dr. Aron claimed that 15% to 20% of children are born with a highly aware nervous system. According to Charlie Health Contemplative Practitioner Tairesha “Sunflower” Flemister, LMSW, a highly sensitive child will experience and process information and emotions more deeply than others their age. The overarching trait of a highly sensitive person is called sensory processing sensitivity.

Critically, as Charlie Health Licensed Creative Arts Therapist Courtney Way, MA, LCAT, puts it, the highly sensitive trait “is considered a normal personality difference and should not be pathologized as a disorder.” Every characteristic is not indicative of a mental health disorder. While they can sometimes be confused, it’s critical to remember that having a highly sensitive trait is not the same thing as living with autism spectrum disorder. 

Is my child highly sensitive? 

A highly sensitive child might display it in different ways, but there are certain highly sensitive child traits you can look for in your kids. According to Way, signs of a highly sensitive child include:

• Strong emotional reactions to change, loud noises, overstimulation, or criticism 
• Deep sense of empathy toward others
• Overstimulated in loud, crowded, or chaotic environments
• Need time to adjust to changes

In many cases, a highly sensitive child can also be very creative and have a vast imagination, says Way. “Being highly sensitive can be a great strength, especially when individuals receive the appropriate levels of support,” she adds. “They are often extremely empathetic, creative, and insightful individuals.”

So, what can make someone a highly sensitive child? According to a 2023 article in the journal Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, research has shown that the high sensitivity trait is likely a mix of innate and genetic factors. 

How to parent a highly sensitive child? 

Supporting your highly sensitive child can build their confidence as they move through the world. “The most important advice is to honor your child’s sensitivity rather than trying to toughen them up. Sensitivity is a strength, but when misunderstood, it can turn into shame or anxiety,” says Charlie Health Group Facilitator Bree Williams, LPCA.

Here are highly sensitive child parenting strategies to keep in mind. 

1. Validate them 

You can make a world of difference in the way your child sees themselves and their traits. “Meet your child with patience, acknowledge their emotions without minimizing them, and avoid comparing them to less sensitive siblings or peers,” says Williams. 

Charlie Health Group Facilitator Nicole Lonano, MS, suggests responding with empathy and avoiding phrases like “don’t be so sensitive” and “it’s not a big deal.” As she says, “Their emotions are big to them.” 

2. Show your support

Similarly, support your child to understand their emotions and triggers. “Help them foster a sense of self-awareness of their emotions by teaching them what different emotions mean and how they feel, as well as their names,” says Way. “Provide them with support when they are overstimulated, and offer them the resources they may need to regulate themselves.”

3. Create routines

As Lonano puts it, routine and predictability are incredibly important for highly sensitive children and can create a sense of safety. When possible, consult them on what they value in a routine. 

Alert them to changes

It’s inevitable that some things will happen quickly in their lives and without much or any warning. But, when possible, alert your child to potential changes coming up, whether they be social situations or new experiences, says Flemister.

4. Give them time

Offering up space and time for your child to decompress can make a world of difference for them, says Way. These moments can allow them to process, take a break from the business of life, and feel ready for the next thing. 

You can also designate “quiet zones” in your home that are away from intense stimuli, quieter, and have softer lights, adds Lonano. 

5. Encourage resilience

Lonano explains that sometimes your highly sensitive child might need a small push to expose themselves to challenging experiences. But give them space to take small steps and celebrate their effort, rather than pushing them farther than necessary.  

6. Model emotional regulation

Understanding their feelings and how to name them can be an incredible tool for highly sensitive children, says Lonano. Work with your children to help them name their intense emotions and work on calming techniques together, such as deep breathing, creative expression, or mindfulness. 

Modeling these behaviors and awareness can provide a great guide for them. But don’t feel like you need to be perfect. “If you get upset, it’s okay to repair,” says Lonano, who suggests saying something like, “I got frustrated earlier, but I took a breath. I’m okay now.”

7. Avoid harsh discipline

To the best of your abilities, try to avoid harsh consequences when possible. Instead, try to focus on connection and provide clear expectations, says Flemister. In some cases, collaborative problem solving might provide the results you need without being overly disciplinary.  

8. Work with other adults

As a parent, you are one of, if not the, largest adult influence on your children. But working with the other adults in their life can help your child live more comfortably. Flemister recommends sharing strategies that have been successful with their teachers, for example. They might also play sports or do other extracurricular activities that allow them to collaborate with another adult. 

You might also have them see a clinical psychologist to discuss their discomfort, big emotions, or stress. Mental health care can provide them with a safe space to discuss difficult emotions and small details that they might not want to talk about with family or an individual in their life. 

9. Celebrate their strengths

Lean into their strengths like creativity, empathy, understanding, and more. “Encourage their empathy — it’s a superpower in relationships and leadership later in life,” says Lonano. 

How Charlie Health can help

If a child in your life is struggling with emotional regulation or overstimulation and needs more support, Charlie Health is here to help. Charlie Health’s virtual Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) provides more than once-weekly mental health treatment for dealing with serious mental health conditions. Our expert clinicians incorporate evidence-based therapies into individual counseling, family therapy, and group sessions. With treatment, managing emotions is possible — even for highly sensitive kids. Fill out the form below or give us a call to start healing today.