How to Help Someone Deal With Bipolar Disorder and Anger, According to Therapists

7 tips for how to support someone living with bipolar disorder.

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Bipolar disorder presents differently in every person who experiences it. For some people, depressive thoughts are present, for other individuals, it’s anger. Each symptom requires care, empathy, and attention. In cases of anger, it can be challenging to separate the person from the condition. 

But if you’ve ever wondered how to deal with someone who is living with bipolar disorder and is angry, we’ve got you covered. Here’s everything you need to know about bipolar disorder, rage, and how you can support your loved one dealing with bipolar anger.

What is bipolar disorder? 

According to the American Psychiatric Association (APA), bipolar disorders are “characterized by periodic, intense emotional states affecting a person’s mood, energy, and ability to function.” There are three types of bipolar disorder: bipolar I, bipolar II, and cyclothymic disorder. The latter is a milder form of the mental health condition. 

Symptoms of a manic episode in bipolar I disorder can include uncontrollable racing thoughts, increased risky or impulsive behavior, and faster speech. Some individuals living with bipolar disorder might also experience a depressive episode or depressive state as part of their mood swings. It’s a common symptom for individuals living with bipolar II disorder.

What is bipolar rage? 

Then there’s bipolar rage, which surfaces as sudden, intense bouts of anger that appear out of proportion with the situation, says Charlie Health Licensed Creative Arts Therapist Courtney Way, MA, LCAT. They can occur during manic, hypomanic, or depressive episodes. 

“It’s not simply ‘losing one’s temper,” says Charlie Health Group Facilitator Bree Williams, LPCA. Instead, it’s typically fueled by factors such as emotional dysregulation, impulsivity, and rapid mood swings. “During these episodes, the person may feel overwhelmed by emotions, perceive minor frustrations as personal attacks, and struggle to control their reactions,” adds Williams. 

Below are two examples of how bipolar anger may manifest.

1. Bipolar rage attacks

Someone living with bipolar disorder who is experiencing anger might act out in a “rage attack” of sorts. This could look like pacing, slamming doors, or throwing things, says Williams. 

2. Bipolar rage and verbal abuse

It can also present as verbal abuse in the form of insults, blame, threats, or yelling, says Way. A person might say things to their loved ones that are emotionally hurtful or project their anger, often impulsively, adds Williams. She notes that this is typically “dysregulation,” not “malice.”

Once the rage has passed, they can often regret or feel shame about what they’ve said. “It’s important to remember that these behaviors are symptoms of a mood episode, not a person’s true character,” says Charlie Health Contemplative Practitioner Tairesha “Sunflower” Flemister, LMSW.

Bipolar rage triggers

Bipolar rage often occurs after a person experiences a trigger. According to Flemister, bipolar rage triggers include:

• Sleep changes, whether a lack of it or an irregular sleep pattern
• Stress or conflict
• Substance use
• New or missed doses of medication 
• A sense of being misunderstood or invalidated
• Hormonal changes
• Physical illness

“Recognizing and managing these triggers early can help prevent outbursts,” says Flemister. 

Arguing with a person living with bipolar disorder

Again, it’s important to think about how to deal with someone who is bipolar and angry. For starters, try as best you can not to “match” their energy, Way explains. Charlie Health Group Facilitator Nicole Lonano, MS, suggests a steady tone, without aggression.

“Try to be compassionate, yet firm when speaking with them, and focus on de-escalation and grounding,” says Way. Better yet, “try to pause the conversation or what you are doing until all the people involved are calm,” she adds. 

Williams stresses that it’s also important not to take things personally as much as you can. Be kind but firm. “Validate feelings without agreeing with harmful behavior,” Williams says. 

Bipolar rage manipulation tactics

Again, when a person living with bipolar disorder expresses anger or other symptoms, it’s typically not with malice. The same is often true for manipulative expressions: they can be “symptom-driven behavior,” says Williams. 

“Sometimes, during manic or depressive states, individuals may act impulsively or use guilt, charm, or emotional appeals to get needs met,” Williams continues. “While this may look manipulative, it often stems from a deep fear of abandonment, shame, or loss of control rather than intentional harm.”

The actual “manipulation” can be completely unintentional during an episode, but it’s an important thing to look out for if a loved one lives with bipolar disorder. According to Williams and Flemister, a person living with bipolar disorder, these tactics might include:

• Guilt-tripping you for things like setting boundaries
• Making promises or grand gestures that they can’t or won’t fulfill later 
• Avoiding accountability and shifting blame
• Using flattery or anger to get what they want quickly

7 tips for how to help someone living with bipolar disorder and rage

There are many ways you can support someone living with bipolar disorder, from understanding bipolar disorder symptoms to helping them seek treatment. 

1. Educate yourself

Living with bipolar disorder and experiencing symptoms like anger can be very overwhelming. As a family member, friend, or loved one, take it upon yourself to learn about the disorder so they don’t have to also act as a teacher — though they can tell you specifics about what living the disorder is like for them if they’re comfortable doing so. 

Learning about bipolar disorder can give you more tools to help them cope with it and give you further empathy toward them, says Lonano. 

2. Listen without judgment 

Way emphasizes the importance of providing a judgment-free space. Engaging in non-judgmental communication provides an opening for them to share their experience and feel both heard and safe. 

3. Create a safety plan 

According to Williams, creating a safety plan can also provide support for a person living with bipolar disorder. She recommends including what to do when an episode escalates, who to call, and ways to de-escalate the situation. 

4. Support a healthy lifestyle 

When possible, encourage your loved one to maintain a healthy routine. This support might mean cooking them healthy meals, helping them manage stress, or encouraging them to maintain a good sleep pattern, says Williams. Way adds that routines can be a great way to foster stability in their lives. 

5. Maintain boundaries 

Your life and well-being shouldn’t fall by the wayside because you are helping someone manage bipolar disorder. It’s important to set boundaries for yourself. As Flemister puts it, “Support doesn’t mean tolerating abuse.” It can also be an emotionally taxing experience, says Williams. She recommends looking into support groups or seeking therapy for yourself. 

6. Provide practical help 

You can do things for them like maintaining structure and tracking appointments to keep them in a healthy routine and reduce overwhelming feelings, says Flemister.  

7. Encourage professional support

Working with a licensed therapist can be a beneficial treatment option for anyone living with bipolar disorder. “Therapy can help individuals learn healthier ways to communicate and regulate emotions,” says Williams. A therapist can provide them support in regards to symptoms like anger, sadness, and more. 

A person living with bipolar disorder might also find it helpful to join a support group. 

How Charlie Health can help 

If you or a loved one are struggling with a serious mental health condition, Charlie Health can help. Our virtual Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) provides more than once-weekly mental health treatment for people dealing with serious mental health challenges — including those struggling with bipolar disorder. Our providers can work with people to identify a manic episode or depressive episode, along with bipolar disorder symptoms such as sadness, aggression, stress, or other intense emotions. With this kind of support, managing your well-being or a serious mental health condition is possible. Fill out the form below or give us a call to start your healing journey today.