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How to Cope With Trust Issues, According to Therapists

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Written By: Sarah Fielding

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Clinically Reviewed By: Clary Figueroa

January 2, 2025

5 min.

Expert-approved tips for identifying and addressing trust issues in any kind of relationship.

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Building trust with someone can be challenging, whether in a familial, platonic, or romantic relationship. Any close relationship can bring up anxiety or distrust because of personal insecurities, a past relationship, or an anxious attachment style — to name just a few reasons. 

Put simply: “There are many things that can cause trust issues,” says Charlie Health Group Facilitator Nicole Lonano, MS. Read on to learn what causes trust issues, how to recognize them, and tips for taking care of your well-being and building healthier relationships.

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Common causes of trust issues

According to Lonano and Charlie Health Group Facilitator Clary Figueroa, MSW, trust issues can be brought on by: 

  • Past experiences of betrayal, abandonment, or trauma 
  • Adverse childhood experiences
  • Infidelity in an adult relationship
  • Narcissistic and verbal abuse
  • Mental health conditions, such as generalized anxiety disorder
  • An insecure, anxious, or avoidant attachment style 

For instance, “A child who grows up feeling neglected or abandoned by caregivers might develop a deep-seated fear of being let down by others, which can lead to trust issues in adulthood,” says Figueroa. “A person might struggle with trust if they’ve been let down by someone they confided in or relied upon, whether that was a friend, a family member, or a colleague.” 

What it looks like when a person has trust issues

Trust issues can rear their head subtly and overtly within any dynamic, even a very healthy relationship. Here are some of the ways you or a person in your life might be exhibiting trust issues. 

1. Difficulty being vulnerable 

Why open up when someone could just break your trust or reject you? This line of thought can make it feel impossible to be vulnerable, even in a fulfilling relationship. “They may avoid sharing their thoughts, feelings, or vulnerabilities out of fear that their partner will use the information against them or abandon them,” says Figueroa. 

2. Emotionally distancing yourself

Again, there’s this idea that you can’t get hurt if you don’t let someone in. “Trust issues in a relationship might even show up by pushing others away,” says Lonano. 

This detachment could look like pulling away physically, avoiding intimacy, or not being mentally checked in when the other person talks or not showing affection, adds Figueroa. “In some cases, a person with trust issues may subconsciously push their partner away because they expect the relationship to fail,” she says. “This could look like withdrawing emotionally, becoming critical or defensive, or even creating conflict as a way of testing the relationship.” 

3. Questioning the other person

As Lonano puts it, a person with trust issues might regularly question another person’s actions and motives due to “excessive suspicion.” You might also raise accusations of betrayal, cheating, dishonesty, or not caring about the relationship, despite there being no reason to believe these things, adds Figueroa. 

4. Seeking constant reassurance

Similarly, those experiencing trust issues often want to reassure themselves that their fears are unfounded. This urge might cause someone to ask for reassurance that the relationship is good regularly, says Figueroa. She notes that they might also take things further, breaking trust by checking the other person’s phone, email, or other personal accounts to reduce their insecurity. These behaviors could become even more toxic, with the person attempting to control their partner or friend by dictating where they can go, who they can interact with, and more. 

How to cope with distrust

If you’re used to living with trust issues, you might not even realize they exist. If questioning the relationships in your life or struggling to be vulnerable has always been hard, this could feel like an inevitable norm. It might only be when you see what trust issues look like or start to have conversations with your loved ones that your feelings become clearer. Here are some therapist-approved tips for coping with distrust.

1. Acknowledge how you feel  

“The first step in overcoming trust issues is recognizing and accepting that they exist,” says Figueroa. “Denying or ignoring the problem only prolongs the healing process.” From there, you can identify the potential causes of your trust issues and possible triggers. She recommends looking at what circumstances bring your feelings of mistrust and if they tie back to past experiences that are coloring your perception. This step can go a long way toward stopping triggers from controlling you and, instead, allowing you to address them. Therapy can also act as a tool for determining these stressors. 

Acknowledgment can also involve prioritizing “self-care to manage anxiety triggered by distrustful feelings,” says Lonano. 

2. Practice open communication 

Discussing trust issues in a relationship can feel scary, potentially even more so when they stem from something outside of that bond. As you practice open communication, Figueroa cautions against “protecting past wounds” on the person in front of you and focusing on the relationship at hand. 

Instead, allow them to be a safe environment for you to express how you really feel — to the extent that you’re comfortable doing so. “Be honest about your fears, insecurities, and past experiences that contribute to your trust issues. This helps your partner understand where you’re coming from and can foster empathy,” says Figueroa. 

This conversation or a follow-up one can also involve discussing your needs and boundaries with mutual respect. “Clear, respectful communication about expectations and boundaries helps to build trust,” adds Figueroa. Express what behaviors make you feel secure and what actions cause you to feel uneasy.” 

3. Challenge your thoughts

Lonano highlights the importance of noticing your negative thoughts and then learning ways to challenge them, either on your own or with a licensed mental health professional. She recommends “using reframing to [see] if the thought is true, what evidence supports it, and other thought-challenging questions.” 

4. Seek professional help

If trust issues are taking a toll on your mental health, you don’t have to go it alone. Figueroa recommends trying cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) if you experience trust issues. “Working with a therapist trained in CBT can help you identify and challenge irrational thoughts related to trust,” she says. “CBT can teach you how to reframe negative beliefs and replace them with more realistic, healthier perspectives.”

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How Charlie Health can help

Trust issues can take a toll on your mental health, but Charlie Health is here to help. Charlie Health’s virtual Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) provides more than once-weekly mental health treatment for people dealing with serious mental health conditions, including issues with emotional intimacy, trust, trauma, and more. Our expert clinicians incorporate evidence-based therapies into individual counseling, family therapy, and group sessions. With this kind of holistic online therapy, enjoying a healthy relationship filled with mutual respect is possible. 

Fill out the form below or give us a call to start your healing journey today.

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