22 Expert Tips for Maintaining a Healthy Relationship

Wondering how you can have your healthiest romantic relationship yet? Read on to learn more.

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We all know the importance of having a healthy relationship, but having one is often easier said than done…and what defines healthy relationships, anyway? Healthy relationships (and healthy love) aren’t always modeled for us when we’re growing up, which can make it harder to recognize what’s normal, what’s not, and what you truly need for a healthy partnership.

“A healthy relationship is one in which all involved parties feel respected, supported, loved, and safe, both emotionally and physically,” says Courtney Way, MA, a Licensed Creative Arts Therapist with Charlie Health. “In a healthy relationship, partners can listen to each other, respect differences, and work through conflicts in a way that minimizes manipulation, intimidation, and control.” Not quite sure how to do that? Read on for expert-approved tips for how to have a healthy relationship.

How to have a healthy relationship: 13 expert tips

Three important pillars for partners are healthy communication, boundaries, and conflict resolution. Below, we’re breaking down each of these categories. 

Practice healthy communication

Healthy communication is the foundation of any strong, committed relationship. Here are four communication tips. 

1. Use “I feel” statements

“I” statements empower you to express how you’re feeling without outwardly placing blame on your partner. The idea is to frame a concern or experience in terms of how you feel instead of what they did. 

“Rather than using accusatory language, like ‘You never listen,’ this approach centers the speaker’s internal experience, such as saying ‘I feel unheard when I’m interrupted,’” says Tairesha “Sunflower” Flemister, LMSW, a Charlie Health Contemplative Practitioner. 

“When communication shifts from blame to emotional expression, the nervous system is more likely to stay regulated, allowing both people to remain engaged rather than defensive,” Flemister adds. 

2. Create a safe “container” for communication

A “container” is an intentional framework for conversations, which might include setting a specific time and place or agreeing on guidelines like no interruptions and using respectful tones, Flemister says. For example, you might decide on Tuesday evenings in the living room, with phones turned off or left out of the room altogether. 

“Structure reduces unpredictability, which helps regulate the nervous system and lowers emotional reactivity,” Flemister explains. “When conversations are contained and intentional, both individuals are more likely to feel psychologically safe, which allows for vulnerability and problem-solving.”

3. Be clear and direct

When communicating your wants and needs, be clear and direct for the best results.

“Remember that no one is a mind reader, and to get your needs met, you must name them,” says Beth Couture, MSS, LSW, a Charlie Health Experiential Therapist. “Expecting another person to ‘just know’ what you need is setting yourself up for disappointment and resentment.”

4. Remember, listening is as important as talking

In a healthy romantic relationship, you must hone your speaking and active listening skills. When you love someone, it’s important to truly hear them. 

“Being a good listener helps the other person feel heard and understood, giving them the sense of safety needed to communicate openly and honestly,” Couture says. “Try to give them your whole attention and be fully present while they are sharing. Reflecting back what they are saying can help you understand and can help the other person feel heard and understood as well.”

Set boundaries 

Boundaries are crucial in every type of relationship, including romantic ones. Here are four tips for healthy boundary-setting.

5. Communicate boundaries clearly, calmly, and with care

Similar to general communication, it’s helpful to use “I” statements here. 

Way says some examples include, “I need some alone time after work to process and decompress,” or, “I care about you and our time together, and I need some space in this moment to process and decompress.”

6. Set boundaries early on

Ideally, it’s best to set healthy boundaries early in a relationship, or at least before you reach your breaking point, Way says. Setting boundaries early helps establish mutual expectations and prevents misunderstandings down the line. 

7. Be firm and consistent

Once you set your boundaries, it’s crucial to follow through with enforcing them. When you firmly reinforce the boundaries, it helps your partner understand how important they are to you. And remember: being firm is not the same thing as being unkind, Way says. 

8. Respect your partner’s boundaries, too

If you expect your partner to respect your boundaries, you have to respect theirs, too. “Relationships are about balance and mutual respect, so it is important to respect not only your boundaries, but theirs as well,” Way says. 

Practice healthy conflict resolution

No relationship comes without conflict, even when there’s strong love between partners. However, conflict isn’t always a bad thing. “While conflict can be uncomfortable, when handled healthily, it can actually strengthen our relationships,” Couture says. Here are tips for healthy conflict resolution. 

9. Identify the problem rather than labeling the person

“Effective conflict resolution separates behavior from identity,” Flemister says. “Instead of assigning blame by saying, ‘You’re the problem,’ the focus shifts to the issue itself.”

When you separate behavior from identity, the approach reduces shame, which can often trigger defensiveness from a partner, says Flemister.

This aligns with non-pathologizing communication and reduces shame, which is a major trigger for defensiveness, she adds.

10. Avoid “black-and-white” words

“Using black-and-white words like ‘always’ and ‘never’ when describing another’s behavior can make them feel unseen and misunderstood, and usually isn’t very fair or accurate,” Couture says. 

For example, she says you should avoid saying something like “You’re always on your phone and never listen to me.” Instead, opt for “I” statements, as mentioned above. You might say, “I feel unimportant and dismissed when you’re on your phone while I’m talking to you.”  This keeps the focus on your feelings and is far less accusatory during times of conflict, says Couture. 

11. Address both partners’ needs and desires

Oftentimes, conflict is a sign of unmet needs, especially unmet attachment needs,  Flemister says. This could include the need for safety, reassurance, connection, or autonomy. “Naming these needs clearly helps move beyond surface-level disagreements,” she adds. 

This step supports attachment repair and allows both individuals to feel seen. “Conflict is often a signal of an unmet need,” Flemister says. “When the need is named, the conversation can shift from frustration to understanding.”

12. Offer “timed space”

When things are getting too heated, it helps to take some time and space away to prevent saying things you don’t mean or escalating the conflict further.

For example, you might tell your partner you need 20 minutes to self-regulate, and then you’ll come back to the conversation, Flemister says. This technique prevents escalation while maintaining connection and preventing stonewalling (which is when one partner completely withdraws from the conversation or shuts down emotionally, often avoiding communication altogether). 

13. Avoid fighting to “win”

Instead of fighting to “win” an argument, Couture stresses the importance of working together towards compromise, instead. 

“How can you and the other person both get some of what you need and want? What do you both need to feel heard and satisfied with the conflict’s resolution?” Couture says. “Remember that you’re on the same team. A healthy resolution serves the relationship, not just one individual.”

How to have a healthy long-distance relationship

Long-distance relationships bring their own challenges. Without physical proximity, couples have to be more intentional about communication, trust, and maintaining emotional connection. Here are five tips for having a healthy long-distance relationship.

1. Prioritize consistent open communication

“Long-distance relationships are tough and some of the hardest relationships to manage. When you are in regular communication through calls, FaceTime, and texts, it can help maintain an emotional connection despite physical distance,” Way says.

Avoid sticking to just texting, though. Way stresses the importance of “face-to-face” contact, through FaceTime or video chats. 

2. Set expectations and goals

It’s important for both partners to set expectations and communicate them. If you don’t express your expectations and needs, you could possibly set yourself up for disappointment.

“Discuss how often you want to communicate and how,” Way suggests. For example, you might determine that texting throughout the day isn’t a priority, but you want to have a FaceTime every night before bed. 

In addition to communication expectations, Way suggests setting goals together for each stage of the relationship. This way, you can keep each other on track and on the same page. 

3. Plan shared experiences and “dates”

Distance doesn’t have to stop you from going on “dates” or enjoying activities with each other, other than just chatting on the phone or FaceTime. For example, Way says you can watch a movie together through a watch party app, play games online, or talk on the phone while you each visit a park. This allows for creating shared time even when there is distance, she adds. 

4. Build trust and independence

Trust and independence are key in any relationship, but they have a particularly important role in LDRs. “Since partners are not physically together, trust is an essential pillar of the relationship,” Way says.

Additionally, it’s important to maintain your sense of independence, so you have a life outside of chatting with your long-distance partner. “Partners should still be individuals with their own likes/dislikes, hobbies, friends, and routines,” Way adds.

5. Plan for the future

When planning for the future, it’s important to be on the same page and have a shared goal that you’re working towards. 

Way suggests:

• Discussing long-term plans
• Addressing when the distance will end
• Providing each other with a timeline and direction to build reassurance

The importance of self-care and maintaining a relationship with yourself

Just because you’re in a relationship, it doesn’t mean you should ignore your own needs and the relationship you have with yourself. Maintaining a strong relationship with yourself is essential for giving and receiving love in a healthy way. Here are some tips:

1. Have intentional time apart

“Having time away from each other while pursuing things you care about can help both partners maintain their own identities and sense of self-worth,” Couture says. “Remember that time alone helps us reflect on our needs and desires, maintaining a sense of balance in our lives.”

This is especially important to remember early in a relationship, when you might want to spend all waking moments with your partner. “Schedule time for yourself and maintain boundaries around it,” Couture adds. 

2. Maintain your independence and sense of self

“In a healthy relationship, two individuals maintain a sense of self while co-creating a shared relational space,” Flemister says. This prevents you from becoming codependent on your partner or losing your identity. She says this can look like:

• Maintaining personal interests and hobbies
• Sustaining healthy friendships and social connections
• Continuing personal and professional growth

3. Practice self-compassion

Having self-compassion and being kind to yourself is an essential part of maintaining a healthy relationship with yourself and your loved one. 

“Give yourself grace when you mess up or do something that hurts or disappoints your partner,” Couture says. “You are worthy of the same consideration and care that you give others, and it is much easier to have compassion for others when you have compassion for yourself.”

4. Seek mental health support if you need it

Additionally, it’s important to recognize any mental health struggles, patterns, or past traumatic experiences that could impact your ability to have a healthy relationship or to give and receive love.

Working with a therapist can help you better understand your behaviors and attachment style, improve communication skills, and develop healthier relationship patterns.

How Charlie Health can help

If you or a loved one is struggling with mental health struggles or trauma that’s impacting your ability to have a healthy and happy relationship, Charlie Health can help. Charlie Health is a virtual behavioral health provider delivering high-acuity treatment for kids, teens, and adults facing serious mental health conditions and substance use disorders. Our innovative treatment model combines clinical expertise, group connection, and measurement-based care to support long-term healing. With the right support, managing your mental health and relationships is possible. Fill out the form below to start healing today.