Sociopath vs. Narcissist: How to Tell the Difference (and Protect Yourself)

If you think you’re dealing with a sociopath or narcissist, read on to learn about key traits and how to cope.

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Do you think someone in your life might be a sociopath or a narcissist? Maybe you’re in a toxic relationship with a partner who’s aggressive and constantly lies, or you have a parent who needs constant admiration and lacks empathy. You might wonder whether you’re dealing with a sociopath or narcissist, and if you are, how to cope. 

“Sociopath” and “narcissist” are terms that get used a lot these days, but each term refers to a mental health condition and has distinct characteristics. Keep reading to learn about what sociopaths and narcissists are, the similarities and differences between a sociopath and a narcissist, and how to cope when you’re in a relationship with one. 

Introduction to sociopaths and narcissists

The terms sociopaths and narcissists are both related to personality disorders. It’s important to recognize and understand the signs of both so you can recognize harmful patterns and take care of yourself.

What is a sociopath?

The word “sociopath” is used to describe someone who has a diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder (ASPD), says Tracye Freeman Valentine, LPC-MHSP, a Charlie Health Clinical Supervisor. A sociopath is someone who has a blatant disregard for others without remorse, she says. Experts say signs of ASPD are:

• Not conforming to social norms
• Antisocial behavior
• Breaking laws
• Lying and conning others
• Aggressiveness
• Getting in fights
• Disregarding their own safety and the safety of others
• General irresponsibility
• No remorse for hurting others 

“When diagnosing a person with ASPD, integrating information from collateral resources is helpful,” Freeman Valentine says. This is because people with ASPD typically don’t think there’s anything wrong with them or their behavior. 

Generally, sociopathic traits like the consistent, pervasive disregard for others start young, says Freeman Valentine. Many people with ASPD are diagnosed with conduct disorder as a child or teen –– a disorder marked by rule-breaking, irritability, and aggression. Some people with conduct disorder “grow out of it,” but others go on to develop sociopathic behavior and ASPD, especially if their conduct disorder goes untreated. 

What is a narcissist? 

Narcissist is a term that describes someone with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Freeman Valentine says narcissists lack empathy and have a grandiose sense of self-importance. They believe they’re special and better than others. Experts say that signs of NPD include:

• Grandiosity 
• Need for admiration
• Lacking empathy 
• Disregarding others’ needs
• Arrogance
• Feeling entitled to special treatment
• Taking advantage of others for personal gain
• Exaggerating their skills and achievements
• Fantasizing about power and success
• Believing that other people are jealous of them
• Feeling envious of other people 

It’s common for narcissistic traits to start appearing in adolescents, Freeman Valentine says. There are also subtypes of narcissists, including:

1. Overt/grandiose narcissists

Overt narcissism is related to an obvious outward appearance of narcissism, including exaggerated self-importance and arrogance. They’re charming and manipulative.

2. Covert/vulnerable narcissists

Covert narcissists are less obviously narcissistic. They’re very sensitive to criticism, constantly need admiration, and pity themselves (due to the internalization of similar insecurities that overt narcissists have). Covert narcissists are also more likely to be manipulative or retaliate when they sense that they’re backed into a corner. 

3. Malignant narcissists

A malignant narcissist is aggressive, manipulative, and impulsive. They might also show traits related to psychopathy and enjoy hurting others. They are sometimes referred to as a “narcissistic sociopath.”

What are the key similarities between sociopaths and narcissists?

Antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) are both in the same category of personality disorder, known as cluster B personality disorders. This cluster of personality disorders is characterized by dramatic, intense emotions and unpredictable behavior. (On top of ASPD and NPD, the other two cluster B disorders are histrionic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder).  

Since they fall under the same cluster, people with the diagnoses of ASPD and NPD share several psychological and behavioral traits, says Tairesha “Sunflower” Flemister, LMSW, a Charlie Health Contemplative Practitioner. She says some of the key similarities are:

• Lack of empathy
• Manipulative behavior
• Superficial charm
• Sense of superiority
• Lack of accountability
• Exploitative relationships
• Emotional dysregulation

What are the key differences between sociopaths and narcissists?

One of the main differences between sociopaths and narcissists lies in their motivation, says Freeman Valentine. “ASPD individuals may be calculating, impulsive, and violent, driven by self-interest and a ‘get ahead’ mentality,” she says. They might also seek control or get pleasure from being deceitful. “In contrast, NPD individuals may be aggressive, reactive, and driven by the need for admiration and ego,” she adds.

Additionally, sociopaths tend to be more likely to engage in aggression and law-breaking than narcissists, Flemister says. “Narcissists are more concerned with admiration and validation, often working to maintain a polished image rather than engaging in outright criminal behavior,” she states. On the other hand, sociopaths don’t care what others think of them.

Sociopaths and narcissists in relationships 

Sociopaths and narcissists are more likely to have toxic relationships. “Both create deeply unhealthy dynamics, but a sociopath’s toxicity is often more dangerous and chaotic, while a narcissist’s is more insidious and controlling,” Flemister says.

How do sociopaths act in relationships?

“Sociopaths tend to be more overtly abusive, reckless, and unfaithful, showing little concern for long-term consequences,” Flemister says. In relationships, sociopaths may: 

• Be highly deceptive: At first, they may seem charming, but once trust is established, true colors will show, Flemister says. They frequently lie and manipulate.
• Show no real attachment: “They view partners as tools for personal gain rather than people with emotions,” says Flemister. “They can abandon relationships suddenly with no remorse.” 
• Lack responsibility: Sociopaths don’t take responsibility for their actions. Flemister says they often put the blame on their partners and won’t acknowledge their wrongdoings. 
• Struggle with long-term relationships: Thanks to their behaviors, sociopaths often can’t maintain long-term relationships. Plus, they may be more likely to cheat on their partner and lie about it, Flemister says. 
• Be abusive: Sociopaths are more likely to be emotionally or physically abusive, using violence or threats to maintain control over a partner, says Flemister. Their tempers can be explosive and unpredictable. 

How do narcissists act in relationships? 

“Narcissists focus more on controlling and emotionally draining their partners while maintaining an illusion of perfection,” Flemister says. In relationships, narcissists may:

• Love bomb to get control: Love bombing is common narcissistic behavior. “They start relationships with intense affection and idealization, and later, devalue and criticize their partner once control is established.”
• Gaslight: Gaslighting is a classic narcissist move. When a narcissist gaslights you, they make you question your reality or sanity. 
• Constantly seek validation: They may always want attention and admiration from their partner, and they might become distant if someone stops feeding their ego, Flemister says.
• Be passive-aggressive: “Rather than explosive aggression like sociopaths, narcissists often use silent treatment, coldness, or subtle put-downs to punish their partners,” says Flemister. “If rejected or criticized, they may seek revenge in calculated ways.” They may also blame-shift or use guilt against you, she adds. 
• Attempt to isolate you: A common aspect of narcissistic abuse is when a narcissist tries to isolate you from your friends and family. This is a ploy to stay in control and keep you dependent on them. 
• Not provide emotional support: “Narcissists have little interest in their partner’s emotional needs unless it benefits them,” says Flemister. “If their partner is struggling, they may dismiss or downplay their feelings.”

How to cope with sociopaths and narcissists

If you’re in a relationship with a sociopath or narcissist, it can take a great toll on your mental health. Freeman Valentine says some mental health impacts of being in a relationship with these individuals are:

• Lowered self-esteem
• Isolation
• Trauma
• Depression
• Difficulty trusting others
• Emotional dysregulation
• Anxiety
• Sleep disturbances
  

Whether you’re dealing with a narcissistic parent, a sociopathic romantic partner, or something in between, here are a few tips for dealing with sociopaths and narcissists.

1. Set and enforce boundaries

“Sociopaths and narcissists thrive on control and manipulation. Without clear boundaries, they will continue to push limits and exploit you,” Flemister says. She recommends:

• Being firm and consistent about what you won’t tolerate
• Avoiding emotional reactions
• Repeating your boundaries without justification if they try to manipulate you or guilt trip you. For example, you might say, “I will not tolerate being disrespected. If you continue, I will leave this conversation.”

Unfortunately, setting boundaries doesn’t always guarantee someone will respect them, especially if they have a personality disorder. However, they can make an impact. 

2. Limit emotional engagement

Although it’s easier said than done, limiting your emotional engagement can benefit you. “Both sociopaths and narcissists feed off emotional reactions,” says Flemister. They may provoke anger, guilt, or insecurity to maintain control.”

You can do this by grey rocking –– acting like a boring gray rock, giving neutral responses and no emotional reactions to make them lose interest. 

“Stay logical and detached. Do not try to reason with them or expect empathy,” Flemister says. 

3. Go no or low contact 

If the relationship is toxic beyond repair, the best option may be to distance yourself, Flemister says. “If possible, cut off all communication. Block phone numbers, emails, and social media. If no contact isn’t an option, use low-contact strategies,” she suggests. 

Flemister recommends these low-contact tips:

• Keep interactions brief and factual, almost business-like
• Don’t share any personal information, especially things they could use against you
• Document interactions if needed for legal or safety reasons

4. Have a safety plan

Especially if the relationship has become abusive, it’s important to have a safety plan to separate from the person in the relationship, Freeman Valentine says. In some cases, it might be easier to leave a narcissist or sociopath, but in other cases, it might feel more dangerous or high-stakes, especially if the person is making threats. 

The National Domestic Violence Hotline has great resources for creating a safety plan. You can also contact them 24/7 to connect with a trained advocate who can help you create a safety plan and start the process of leaving an abusive relationship.  

5. Take care of yourself

Regardless of where you’re at in a relationship or who the perpetrator is, manipulation and abuse erode mental health, Flemister says. She recommends the following self-care tips:

• Seeking individual therapy
• Joining a support group
• Connecting with friends and family
• Exercising
• Journaling
• Meditating
• Educating yourself about narcissists/sociopaths to detach from self-blame and guilt

How Charlie Health can help

If you think someone in your life has antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) or narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and is open to treatment, Charlie Health may be able to help. Our personalized virtual Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) provides structured, more than once-weekly treatment for individuals with a variety of struggles, including personality disorders and co-occurring mental health conditions.

Coping with a personality disorder can be difficult, but it’s possible for people with ASPD or NPD to experience improved mental health and relationships with the right treatment and dedication to change. Fill out the form below or give us a call to get started today.