Why Do People Stay? The Mental Health Roots of Stockholm Syndrome

Stockholm Syndrome isn’t about weakness or choice; it’s a survival response rooted in trauma. Read on to learn why victims stay and how we can better support their recovery.

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When someone remains loyal to their abuser, it’s easy and dangerous to ask, “Why didn’t they just leave?” Such a question shifts responsibility onto the victim instead of examining the complex psychological, emotional, and situational factors that keep them trapped.

From the outside, the decision to stay in a traumatic situation may seem irrational; leaving appears like the logical choice. But for many victims, especially those enduring hostage situations, human trafficking, or an abusive relationship, forming an emotional bond with their captor can be a subconscious coping mechanism; a mental health survival strategy shaped by fear, trauma, and vulnerability. To truly understand Stockholm Syndrome, we must move beyond blame and into empathy. Read on to explore the mental health roots of this phenomenon and why the choice to stay is often not a choice at all. 

What is Stockholm Syndrome?

Stockholm Syndrome is a psychological phenomenon in which a person develops positive feelings toward their abuser or captor over time, even defending them or resisting rescue. The term originated after a 1973 bank robbery in Stockholm, Sweden, when hostages began to sympathize with their captors, Clark Olofsson and Jan-Erik Olsson, during a five-day standoff.

It has since been used to describe similar emotional responses in a range of abusive situations, including domestic violence, cult membership, and kidnapping cases like Patty Hearst (also known as Patricia Hearst) and Jaycee Dugard. Although Stockholm Syndrome isn’t classified as a standalone mental illness, its psychological effects are well-documented and closely tied to trauma responses, research shows.

The psychology of trauma and survival

When someone is trapped in a traumatic situation, their brain goes into survival mode. The body’s stress response (often referred to as fight, flight, freeze, or fawn) kicks in. Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn are the four primary trauma responses your nervous system may activate when faced with a threat. They’re instinctive survival strategies your body uses to protect you in dangerous or overwhelming situations, whether physical or emotional.

• Fight: Confronting the threat
• Flight: Escaping the threat
• Freeze: Shutting down
• Fawn: Appeasing the threat

In many hostage or abusive environments, fighting or fleeing isn’t an option. So instead, the brain may fawn, appeasing the abuser in order to avoid further harm. Over time, this can evolve into emotional attachment and loyalty. The mind seeks safety, even if that means misidentifying the source of safety as the person causing harm.

What is trauma bonding? 

A trauma bond forms when a cycle of abuse is paired with intermittent kindness. A victim may experience abuse, followed by moments of care or affection from their abuser. This cognitive distortion creates confusion and hope, reinforcing the emotional bond and making it harder to leave.

Add learned helplessness, a state where a person believes they can’t change their situation no matter what they do, and the psychological trap deepens. These are not conscious choices; they are conditioned psychological responses to traumatic experiences.

Mental health risk factors for Stockholm Syndrome

Not every person in an abusive situation develops Stockholm Syndrome. Certain mental health factors increase vulnerability:

• A history of abuse or neglect in childhood
• Existing mental disorders like anxiety or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
• Low self-esteem, intense fear, or lack of social support

In many cases, abusers intentionally isolate their victims, controlling their access to the outside world. This compounds the problem, making victims increasingly dependent on their abuser for emotional, physical, or financial needs.

Also, for many, feeling trapped is part of the psychological condition. People stay because they’ve been manipulated, threatened, gaslit, or made to believe they don’t have alternatives. They stay because they think they love the person harming them. They stay because it feels safer than the unknown.

Whether it’s a hostage refusing to testify against a captor or a partner clinging to a toxic relationship, these responses are rooted in survival, not consent.

Stockholm Syndrome beyond the headlines

It’s not just about dramatic bank robberies or celebrity kidnappings. Stockholm Syndrome can occur in more common yet devastating scenarios, including emotionally abusive marriages, cults, exploitative work environments, and human trafficking situations. Some victims of abuse even develop Stockholm Syndrome without realizing it. They may experience cognitive dissonance, holding conflicting beliefs like “They love me” and “They hurt me” simultaneously. This creates internal tension that’s often resolved by justifying or minimizing the abuse.

While Stockholm Syndrome is the most well-known label for this response, it’s not the only one. Lima Syndrome, the opposite phenomenon where captors develop feelings for their hostages, and London Syndrome, where hostages become aggressively defiant, are part of the broader study of captivity psychology.

Appeasement vs. Stockholm Syndrome

Recent research suggests that the term Stockholm Syndrome itself may contribute to misunderstanding rather than healing. Scholars have proposed replacing it with the term “appeasement,” meaning an unconscious, biologically driven strategy to reduce harm and ensure survival in the face of threat, which better reflects the neurobiological survival mechanisms at play.

Unlike Stockholm Syndrome, a label often sensationalized by the media and used to question a victim’s credibility, appeasement is rooted in science, specifically the Polyvagal Theory, and reframes the victim’s emotional connection to a perpetrator as a biopsychological adaptation to life-threatening situations. Researchers argue that this redefinition can “demystify survivor experiences” and shift public perception from confusion or blame to compassion. By normalizing these instinctive coping responses, survivors and their families may feel more validated and supported on the path to long-term recovery.

How to heal and overcome Stockholm Syndrome

Overcoming Stockholm Syndrome starts with physical and psychological safety. Distance from the abuser is essential. Then comes the harder work: untangling trauma and rebuilding trust in yourself.

Effective therapy, especially trauma-informed approaches like EMDR, commitment therapy, or somatic modalities, can help address the deep-rooted psychological effects. Working with a mental health professional provides a safe space to process shame, grief, and negative feelings, while developing new, healthy relationships. For many, online therapy offers a more accessible first step toward healing, especially if they’re still navigating complex logistics or fear retaliation from a former abuser.

Recovery isn’t linear, and it can be incredibly painful. But it is possible with compassion, support, and time.

How Charlie Health can help

If you or a loved one is struggling with Stockholm Syndrome, Lima Syndrome, London Syndrome, or any form of appeasement, Charlie Health is here to help. Charlie Health’s virtual Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) provides mental health treatment for people dealing with serious conditions. Our expert clinicians incorporate evidence-based therapies into individual counseling, family therapy, and group sessions. With support, managing your mental health and healing from grief is possible. Fill out the form below or give us a call to start healing today.