Self-Soothing Techniques: A Guide to Calming Your Mind and Body

Here are expert-approved tips for supporting a highly sensitive child.

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Have you ever been in such a heightened state of anxiety or distressing emotions and felt like you just couldn’t calm down? When your emotions feel big, and you don’t know how to cope, having a few reliable tools to calm yourself can make all the difference. 

“Self-soothing” is the practice of intentionally shifting your mind and body out of distress and back into a sense of safety. It’s not about ignoring how you feel; rather, it’s about acknowledging you’re struggling and giving yourself what you need to get grounded again.

Whether you’re dealing with everyday stress, anxiety, attachment triggers, sensory overwhelm, or symptoms of a mental health condition, self-soothing strategies can help you feel more regulated and connected to the present moment. Read on for many self-soothing tips.

Self-soothing techniques for anxiety 

When you’re feeling anxious, there are plenty of ways to get out of your head, calm racing thoughts, and turn off your nervous system’s fight-or-flight mode. Here are six self-soothing techniques for anxiety.

1. Box breathing

Box breathing is a simple, easy-to-remember breathing exercise that can help reduce anxiety. Mike Travisano, a Charlie Health Contemplative Practitioner, says to control your breath with the following steps:

• Breathe in for a count of four
• Hold at the top for a count of four
• Breathe out for a count of four
• Hold at the bottom for a count of four

It helps to visualize a square or box, each step inhale, hold, and exhale, tracing each side. You can repeat the pattern as necessary. Typically, a few rounds are enough to bring some relief, Travisano says. 

2. Hand tracing

This breathing exercise incorporates the somatic addition of touch, Travisano says. It involves tracing the shape of your non-dominant hand with the pointer finger of your dominant hand.

You start at the base of the thumb and inhale as you slowly trace it up to the top, and then exhale slowly as you trace down the other side of your thumb. Then, repeat this for each of your fingers until you trace down the outer edge of your pinky.

3. Progressive muscle relaxation

Progressive muscle relaxation (PMR) involves intentionally tensing and then relaxing all the muscles in your body. The goal is to relax physically and mentally while relieving all the tension you’re holding. 

Charlie Health Primary Therapist Alysson Thewes, LCSW, says you can engage in this grounding technique by:

• Start at either your head or your feet.
• With one set of muscles at a time, tense them for five to 10 seconds while you breathe in, and then exhale and release for about 20 seconds before moving to the next muscle group.
• Repeat for every muscle group in your body (moving either up from the feet or down from the head)

If you’re new to PMR, Thewes suggests listening to guided audios on YouTube, Spotify, or meditation apps to help you. 

4. Focused breathing while walking

“Sometimes an awesome response to uncomfortable feelings, including anxiety, is to change our state — change what we are doing with our body,” Thewes says. “If, when feeling anxious, you intentionally go outside to take a brisk walk while focusing on your breath, you give your brain and body a chance to shift into a different state.”

5. Holding an ice cube

Holding a freezing-cold ice cube can help shift your state and anchor you in the present, Thewes says. She recommends:

• Standing over a sink, squeeze an ice cube for five to ten seconds in one hand
• Drop it in the sink until your hand warms up again
• Repeat several times

Really focus on the cold and melting sensations when you do this, bringing your attention to the physical rather than your anxious thoughts. “This shifts your focus into the sensations of the here and now, and when you are done with the activity, you may have a clearer mind to approach your anxiety in the moment,” she says.

6. Name objects around the room

This is a simple mindfulness practice that you can do anywhere you are. Travisano says you can:

• Take a deep breath and slowly scan the room, allowing your eyes to rest on objects that are neutral or pleasant, such as a window, a desk, or a chair
• As you focus on these objects, slowly name them quietly to yourself

“This technique is aimed to tell the brain that it is safe and that there is no present threat,” Travisano says. 

Self-soothing techniques for anxious attachment

If you have an anxious attachment style, you might feel overwhelmed by worry in relationships, fear abandonment, or interpret delayed responses as signs of rejection. All of these emotional spikes can make it hard to self-regulate in the moment — but you can combat this with the right tools.

Here are four self-soothing techniques for anxious attachment. 

1. Emotional labeling

If your emotions are heightened due to anxious attachment, you can “name it to tame it,” says   Tairesha “Sunflower” Flemister, LMSW, a Charlie Health Contemplative Practitioner. Naming it helps create emotional awareness and some distance.

“When overwhelmed, simply name the emotion: ‘I feel scared,’ ‘I feel uncertain,’ or ‘I feel activated,’” she says. Labeling feelings lowers emotional intensity and decreases the need to seek immediate reassurance from others.

2. Self-reassurance statements

By using self-reassuring statements, you can strengthen your internal safety rather than seeking external validation,  Flemister says.

She suggests saying statements like:

• “I am safe right now.”
• “My worth isn’t tied to someone else’s response time.”
• “I can hold my own emotions while I wait.”

3. Sensory grounding with softness and warmth for comfort

“Warm or comforting sensations can soothe attachment-based anxiety,” Flemister says. “Warmth mimics the safety cues the attachment system seeks, helping calm fear of disconnection.” 

For example, she says you can:

• Hold a warm mug
• Wrap yourself in a soft blanket
• Cuddle a pillow or stuffed animal 

Figure out what brings you the most comfort, and keep it handy next time you’re feeling stressed.

4. Expressive writing

You might be tempted to reach out to someone for immediate reassurance when you’re feeling triggered. “When you are triggered, be intentional about not immediately texting or calling the individual who has upset you,” Thewes says. Instead, try self-soothing through writing.

“Write down all of your feelings, instead of acting on your feelings right now — the anger, the hurt, the sadness, and the fear,” Thewes says. Getting these thoughts onto paper can help you detach a bit from them, helping them feel more manageable.

Self-soothing techniques for PTSD 

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms can feel sudden and overwhelming, especially when something in the present triggers you and reminds your nervous system of past trauma. Self-soothing techniques can help bring you back into your body and reorient you to the present moment.

Here are five self-soothing techniques for PTSD.

1. 5-4-3-2-1 grounding

“PTSD often pulls the nervous system into the past,” says Flemister. “Orienting helps the brain recognize that the present is safe.” One way to do this is with the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding method. She says you can notice your current surroundings and name:

• 5 things you can see
• 4 things you hear
• 3 things you can touch
• 2 things you can smell
• 1 thing you can taste (or feel on your body, if you don’t taste anything)

“It re-engages the prefrontal cortex and interrupts dissociation by anchoring you in the now,” she says 

2. Safe place visualization

“When traumatic memories activate, the brain may flood with fear. Visualizing safety can interrupt the cycle,” Flemister says. This type of imagery can help the brain shift out of threat mode, she says. 

She recommends closing your eyes and vividly imagining a place where you feel safe, comforted, or empowered. This can be a real favorite place you’ve been, or an imagined setting. 

When doing this visualization, you want to get very detailed. For example, Travisano says you might imagine:

• What the air feels like on your skin
• What peaceful sounds do you hear? (water, birds, wind, quiet)
• Something pleasant you can visualize here, such as a beautiful stream or a sunrise

“Stay with this image for as long as it feels supportive and comfortable and breathe slowly throughout,” he says. 

3. Self-compassionate touch

“The body can respond strongly to gentle, intentional touch,” Flemister says. “It provides internal reassurance and rewires the brain toward safety rather than self-blame or fear.” She says you can

• Place a hand on your heart while you breathe
• Gently rub your arms
• Hug yourself from shoulder to shoulder
• Hold your own hands 

4. Weighted pressure or containment

For some people, weighted or firm pressure can create a sense of grounding and safety, Flemister says. “The deep pressure sends calming signals to the nervous system and decreases emotional overwhelm,” she explains. You can try:

• Using a weighted blanket
• “Cocooning” (wrapping yourself tightly in a blanket)
• Putting a firm pillow across your chest or lap

5. Slow rhythmic breathing

“Breath is one of the most effective ways to signal safety to the body,” Flemister says. “Lengthening the exhale activates the parasympathetic nervous system—the body’s natural calming response.”

You might practice inhaling for a count of four and exhaling for a count of six, Flemister suggests. The key is to keep your exhale longer than your inhale. Control your breath and take a moment to pause between the exhale and the next inhale, too. Try repeating the cycle for several minutes until you feel yourself calming down. 

Autism self-soothing techniques

If you’re autistic, moments of sensory overload, social exhaustion, or abrupt changes can create emotional distress. Self-soothing helps regulate your nervous system and calm down your mind.

Here are five autism self-soothing techniques.

1. Staying in a safe, calm place

It’s helpful for autistic people to have a safe space to retreat to when they’re feeling overstimulated or in a state of emotional distress. “You can create a calm space using soothing decor, lighting, and sounds, favorite items, and comfortable furniture and blankets,” says Beth Couture, MSS, LSW, a Charlie Health Group Facilitator. “Such a space can be a haven during stressful times.”

2. Engaging in special interests

If you’re autistic and have a special interest, engaging with it can help you self-soothe, Couture says. For example, if you have any specific music, video content, games, stuffed animals, or reading material, you can reduce stress by getting into them, she adds. 

3. Rhythmic and repetitive movements

A simple way to self-soothe is to engage in rhythmic, repetitive movements, such as walking, dancing, or pacing, Couture says. This is because repetitive movement can regulate the nervous system, provide predictable sensory input, and reduce overwhelm.

4. Stimming 

Stimming (AKA self-stimulatory behavior) is a great way to self-soothe and reduce anxiety. Stims can also sometimes fall under the category of rhythmic and repetitive movements, but they don’t always.

5. Using calming sensory items

If you are sensory-seeking, using various sensory items can help you get out of your head and into the present moment. Couture suggests using weighted blankets, playing with kinetic sand, or using fidget toys. You can also try a stress ball or something similar. Experiment with different sensory items and see what is most soothing for you.

Self-soothing techniques for adults

For adults in general, self-soothing is about finding accessible practices that help your mind and body slow down when stress peaks or intense emotions run high. These techniques can support emotional resilience and overall well-being.

Here are self-soothing techniques for adults for when life feels overwhelming. 

1. Brain dump journaling

If you’re stressed out, it can be helpful to do a “brain dump,” which means just writing out everything that’s on your mind, Thewes says. You can do this on paper or in your phone’s notes app.

“After the brain dump, you will likely feel a bit more space in your brain as you are not using your brain as a filing cabinet,” says Thewes. “You will then have the clarity to choose how to further refine the various thoughts and to-dos, which will further reduce your anxiety.”

2. Changing the temperature

Changing the temperature can be a wonderful reset, Travisano says. The idea is to get into the opposite state of what you’re currently feeling. 

If you’re feeling hot, he recommends:

• Move to an air-conditioned room
• Drink a cold glass of ice water
• Take a cold (or cool) shower
• Hold an ice cube for a few moments.

If you’re feeling cold, he suggests:

• Taking a warm shower or bath
• Drinking a hot cup of tea
• Having a bowl of soup
  

3. Smell something pleasant

“Like changing the temperature, introducing pleasant scents can serve to break the cycle of an anxious head,” Travisano says. You can do this with aromatherapy essential oils or even just things around the house, such as:

• A lemon
• An orange
• A favorite scented candle
• Freshly brewed coffee

4. Go outside

Never underestimate the power of fresh air and sunshine. “Walking in nature or even just stepping outside into the fresh air can have a very self-soothing effect,” says Travisano. Bonus points if you use it as a screen-free time, too. 

Self-soothing techniques for kids 

Children often feel big emotions but don’t yet have the coping skills to manage them. Simple, playful self-soothing practices can help them feel safer and more regulated when they’re overwhelmed.

1. Smell the flowers, blow out the candles

Julie A. Eggleston, MS, CTRS, an Experiential Therapist at Charlie Health, recommends a kid-friendly breathing exercise incorporating an easy-to-understand visual. You can tell your child to:

• “Smell the flowers” for four seconds
• “Blow out the candles” for four seconds

Using cues like this can help make more sense than just telling them to breathe in and out slowly, especially for younger children.

2. Use an expandable breathing ball

A “breathing ball” can help kids regulate their breathing, Travisano says. This technique incorporates both visual and tactile aspects. The child can hold the ball and expand it as they breathe in, and compress it as they breathe out. Encourage them to do this for several minutes. 

3. Movement

Physical activity is a simple and accessible way for kids to self-soothe. Give them opportunities to get moving throughout the day. Whether they do some jumping jacks, run around the backyard, or do some simple stretching, any activity can help them self-soothe. 

4. Make a cozy corner

Making a cozy corner or calm-down corner serves as a safe place for your child to go and relax when they’re feeling intense emotions that they don’t yet know how to deal with. “Make a place with blankets and stuffed animals where a child can collect themself and feel safer,” Travisano says. “It can be helpful to have a sign or chart that can help kids identify their emotions, as well as fidget toys and books.”

Include your child in the process of creating this cozy corner, asking them what would best support them.

Self-soothing techniques for babies and toddlers 

Babies and toddlers can’t self-regulate the way older kids can, but there are ways to support the development of early self-soothing skills so your little one can feel more secure.

Self-soothing techniques for toddlers 

Toddlers are beginning to build independence but still rely on caregivers for emotional regulation. These techniques can help them practice calming down in age-appropriate ways.

1. Cookie breathing

While toddlers may not be able to understand the concept of mindful breathing, thinking about cookies can certainly help. To teach your toddler cookie breathing, have them:

• Pretend they are smelling a delicious, fresh cookie (breathe in)
• Pretend they are blowing on the cookie to cool it down (breathe out)

2. Sitting in a small space

Another helpful technique is giving your toddler a defined, cozy spot to retreat to when emotions are high. “Some toddlers even like the forts or sitting in boxes because they feel safer in the cozy space,” Eggleston says. 

3. Playing with a favorite toy or stuffed animal

Toddlers often have a favorite toy or stuffed toy, and this can come in handy when they’re feeling big emotions. Eggleston recommends letting a toddler self-soothe with this.

Self-soothing techniques for babies 

Babies rely heavily on caregivers for co-regulation, but there are small ways to introduce early self-soothing. Charlie Health Primary Therapist Kathleen Douglass, LCPC, MA, recommends:

• Playing white noise or soft music
• Putting on a very low night light at bedtime
• Making shushing sounds or other sounds your baby may have heard in the womb
• Allowing them to suck their thumb or a pacifier 

How Charlie Health can help

If you’re struggling with a mental health condition, you’ll likely need more than self-soothing techniques to help you feel better. Charlie Health can help. Our virtual Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) provides more than once-weekly mental health treatment for individuals ages 8 to 64 who are dealing with serious mental health conditions such as post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression, and more.

The IOP incorporates evidence-based therapies into individual counseling, family therapy, and group sessions. We also provide medication management, as needed, to people who can benefit from psychiatric medications. With this kind of support, recovery is possible. Fill out the form below or give us a call to start healing today.