Why Do People Have a Phobia of Commitment?

What is the fear of commitment? 

The fear of commitment, also known as commitment phobia, is characterized by an intense fear or avoidance of committing to a long-term relationship or other forms of commitment. This fear can manifest in various ways, such as avoiding relationships altogether, ending relationships prematurely, or being unable to commit to plans or decisions. 

The fear of commitment can be caused by a variety of factors such as past traumatic experiences, lack of trust, fear of rejection, or a desire for independence. It can also be a symptom of a larger underlying mental health condition such as social anxiety disorder (SAD), avoidant personality disorder, or PTSD, among others. The fear of commitment can have a negative impact on an individual’s mental health and on their relationships.

But is it a phobia? 

There is not a specific phobia listed as “commitment phobia” in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), which is the standard classification of mental disorders used by mental health professionals in the United States. However, some individuals may experience intense anxiety or fear related to committing to a romantic relationship or other forms of commitment.

Symptoms

A phobia of commitment can feel like: 

• Intense anxiety
• Fear
• Panic 
• Feelings of dread
• Avoidance 

Overall, when it comes to making decisions about their future, people with commitment phobia often feel trapped or suffocated by the idea of being in a committed relationship or even making a long term plan.

Phobia of commitment and mental health

The fear of commitment can have a negative impact on mental health. The anxiety and stress associated with the fear of commitment can lead to feelings of depression, low self-esteem, and self-doubt. Individuals with a fear of commitment may also experience feelings of isolation and loneliness, as they may have difficulty forming close relationships or committing to them.

The fear of commitment can also lead to a lack of fulfillment in life, as the individual may avoid making decisions or plans for the future. The phobia of commitment may cause a person to miss out on important life experiences, such as forming close relationships or starting a family.

It’s important to note that, as previously mentioned, that a fear of commitment can be associated with several mental health issues, including:

Social anxiety disorder (SAD)

Individuals with SAD experience intense anxiety and self-consciousness in social situations, and may fear being judged or rejected by others. They may avoid relationships or other types of commitment out of fear of rejection, criticism, or embarrassment.

Avoidant personality disorder (AvPD)

People with avoidant personality disorder have a pervasive pattern of social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy and extreme sensitivity to negative evaluation. They tend to avoid social situations and relationships and may avoid commitment out of fear of rejection, criticism, or embarrassment.

Post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

Individuals who have experienced trauma may develop a fear of commitment as a way to protect themselves from the possibility of being hurt or rejected again. They may have difficulty trusting others and difficulty with intimacy and attachment, which can make committing to a relationship or other forms of commitment difficult.

Depression

The fear of commitment can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation, which can contribute to depression.

Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD)

People with GAD experience excessive and unrealistic worry and anxiety about everyday events and activities. They may have difficulty making decisions and may avoid commitment due to fear of making the wrong choice.

It’s important to address the underlying conditions beneath a phobia of commitment to improve overall mental health.

Commitment phobia and trauma

Trauma can play a significant role in the development of a phobia of commitment. Traumatic experiences, such as childhood abuse or neglect, can impact an individual’s ability to form healthy relationships and trust others. As a result, they may develop a fear of commitment and avoid entering into long-term relationships or making other types of commitments.

Trauma can also affect an individual’s ability to regulate their emotions and make them more prone to anxious or fearful feelings, including a fear of commitment. Individuals who have experienced trauma may also have difficulty with intimacy and attachment, which can make committing to a relationship or other forms of commitment difficult.

Furthermore, individuals who have experienced trauma may develop a sense of self-protection mechanism. They may avoid commitment in order to protect themselves from the possibility of being hurt or rejected again.

Treatment for commitment phobia

Treatment for a fear of commitment related to trauma typically involves addressing the underlying traumatic experiences through therapy such as:  

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) 

A popular form of therapy that can help individuals learn to manage their anxiety and change negative thought patterns related to commitment. A therapist will work with the individual to identify and challenge negative thoughts and beliefs that are causing anxiety, and help them develop new, more positive ways of thinking.

Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) 

A therapy that can be used to help people who have experienced trauma and cope with the traumatic experience. EMDR therapy works by stimulating the left and right hemispheres of the brain with a combination of guided creative visualization, eye movements, and therapeutic talk. The aim is to help the patient process underlying traumatic experiences which may be causing them distress or anxiety. 

Medication, such as antidepressants

Antidepressants such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) can help to reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression by increasing levels of the chemical serotonin in the brain, which can help to improve mood and reduce feelings of anxiety.

Treatment for a fear of commitment typically involves therapy and/or medication. Therapy can help individuals develop healthy coping strategies, improve self-esteem, and build trust.

Ultimately, the most effective treatment will depend on the underlying cause of the fear of commitment and the specific symptoms experienced by the individual.

Social anxiety disorder & commitment phobia

Social anxiety disorder (SAD) is a mental health condition characterized by excessive and persistent fear of social or performance situations. People with SAD experience intense anxiety and self-consciousness in social situations, and may fear being judged or rejected by others. 

Fear of commitment can be a symptom of SAD, as people with the disorder may avoid relationships or other types of commitment out of fear of rejection, criticism, or embarrassment.

Individuals with SAD may also have difficulty trusting others, which can make committing to a long-term relationship or other forms of commitment difficult. They may also have difficulty with intimacy and attachment, which can make committing to a relationship or other forms of commitment difficult.

Additionally, SAD can lead to an excessive self-focus, where the individuals worry about how they appear to others, and fear of rejection, which can cause them to avoid social situations, including dating and commitment.

Treatment for SAD typically involves a combination of therapy, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and medication. CBT can help individuals learn to manage their anxiety and change negative thought patterns related to social situations. Medication, such as antidepressants, can also help reduce symptoms of anxiety.

Working with a therapist specifically trained in treating SAD can help individuals with the disorder develop healthy coping strategies, improve self-esteem, and build trust, which can ultimately help them overcome their fear of commitment.

Avoidant personality disorders, attachment styles, and commitment phobia

Individuals with avoidant personality disorder (AvPD) may have difficulty committing to relationships and other forms of commitment due to their fear of rejection and social anxiety. AvPD is a personality disorder characterized by a pervasive pattern of social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy and extreme sensitivity to negative evaluation. People with AvPD often feel inadequate, inferior, and unappealing to others, and as a result, they tend to avoid social situations and relationships. They may also have difficulty forming close relationships or committing to them due to a fear of rejection, criticism, or embarrassment.

People with AvPD may have a phobia of commitment, as they may avoid relationships or other types of commitment out of fear of rejection, criticism, or embarrassment. They may also have difficulty trusting others, which can make committing to a long-term relationship or other forms of commitment difficult.

Treatment for AvPD typically involves therapy, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and psychoanalytic therapy, which can help individuals learn to manage their anxiety and change negative thought patterns related to social situations

Avoidant attachment styles can also play a role in the fear of commitment, as individuals with this attachment style have a tendency to avoid close relationships and have difficulty trusting others. They may also have difficulty with intimacy and attachment, which can make committing to a relationship or other forms of commitment difficult. People with avoidant attachment styles may have learned to avoid getting close to others as a way to protect themselves from the possibility of rejection, abandonment, or hurt.

The impact of the fear of commitment on relationships 

The fear of commitment can have a significant impact on relationships. Individuals with a fear of commitment may have difficulty forming close relationships or committing to them. They may avoid getting too close to others and may struggle with trust, intimacy, and attachment.

In a romantic relationship, someone with a fear of commitment may avoid making plans for the future, may be hesitant to introduce their partner to family and friends, and may avoid discussing feelings or making decisions about the relationship. They may also be more likely to engage in behaviors that sabotage the relationship, such as flirting with other people or pulling away emotionally.

These behaviors can create a lot of uncertainty and insecurity in the relationship and can lead to feelings of rejection, abandonment, or hurt for the partner. The partner may feel frustrated, confused, and hurt by the lack of commitment, and may eventually end the relationship.

The fear of commitment can also impact other types of relationships such as friendships, family relationships, and professional relationships. The individual may have difficulty committing to plans or projects, may avoid social situations or may have difficulty building trust and intimacy with others.

It’s important to remember that people with fear of commitment may not be aware of their behaviors and that the fear of commitment may be a symptom of an underlying mental health condition. Therapy can help individuals address the underlying issues and manage symptoms, and can help to improve relationships.

In summary, the fear of commitment can have a negative impact on mental health by causing anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, self-doubt, loneliness, and a lack of fulfillment in life. It can also be an indication of an underlying mental health condition that should be addressed.

Coping with the phobia of commitment

Here are some tips for coping with a fear of commitment:

1. Talk to a therapist
   A therapist can help you understand the underlying causes of your fear of commitment and develop strategies for dealing with it.
2. Identify and challenge negative thoughts
   Negative thoughts and beliefs can contribute to a fear of commitment. Practice identifying negative thoughts and replacing them with more positive and realistic thoughts.
3. Learn to manage stress and anxiety
   Practicing relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga can help to reduce stress and anxiety associated with a fear of commitment.
4. Gradual exposure
   Gradual exposure therapy can help you gradually face and overcome your fears. It involves exposing yourself to the situation or object you fear in a controlled and safe environment.
5. Communicate your feelings
   Communicate your feelings and concerns to your partner, friends, or family. They can provide support and understanding, and help you work through your fears.
6. Be honest with yourself
   Be honest with yourself about what you want and what you’re afraid of. Reflect on past experiences that have contributed to your fear of commitment and try to understand how they have shaped your beliefs and behavior.
7. Practice self-care
   Taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally is important. Eating a healthy diet, getting enough sleep, and engaging in regular exercise can help improve your overall well-being.
8. Be patient with yourself
   Change takes time, and it’s important to be patient with yourself as you work through your fear of commitment.

Trauma-informed care at Charlie Health

If you or someone you love is struggling with a phobia of commitment, help is available. Whether a fear of commitment stems from trauma, adverse childhood experiences, or other mental health issues, we understand the importance of treating the underlying causes of daily mental health challenges. Reach out today.